Mallory's Mishmash World

Happy Birthday to My 4 year old!!!

2011-09-29T08:26:00.000-05:00

On my 100th post I wrote 100 things I love about Mallory. It was easy. She's great. I'm going to stick with just four now, since it's her 4th birthday. I think it will be hard to do this, to narrow it down to just the best things....

1. You are funny. I love that you like to joke, laugh, giggle, tickle and make everyone smile with you. No matter what's happening, you always do things to make us giggle.

2. You are a nice person. I see you compliment people. I see you to hold doors open for people. You share (usually), wait your turn (usually) and enjoy playing. If you bump into Lego or kitty you say, "Excuse me" even though they don't understand. You're a good girl.

3. You are affectionate. No matter how much fun you're having at school you always drop everything and run to hug me when I pick you up. I look forward to that moment more than you could ever know. It's like the icky stuff from my day falls away as you come running. You hug, kiss, snuggle and offer, "I love you" without any effort on our part. I picked you up from a friend's house the other day and asked if you had fun. You said, "Yes. Do you know that I missed you though? I'm glad to see you."

4. You are strong willed. This is one of those terms that can be a bad thing presented like a good thing. Really, I think it's a very big, positive thing. You are determined to finish what you start and will only ask for help when you've exhausted your own efforts. You also like to try most things on your own and you're fearless. I hope those qualities will stay with you as you grow up.

Happy 4th Birthday to my most beautiful, wonderful, fantastic girl.

tomorrow is her birthday....

2011-09-28T14:16:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is Mallory's 4th birthday. I am so excited. I feel giddy just thinking about how happy the day is for her. This morning she woke up and sleepily asked me, "Is it my birthday today?" I said, "Nope, but it's tomorrooooooooow." She said, "Just two more sleeps?" I said, "Nope, just one." Her response, "No, it's two. A daytime nappy today at school then a night sleep." Well, OK, then it's two, smarty. While we were having this conversation she was snuggling up with me and her bears and trying to drink some milk at the same time. I asked, "Can I give you one thousand kisses on your birthday?" She smiled and said, "No, but you can give me ten-hundred kisses." I smiled. I have very few math skills but even I know that we're on the same page with that one.

So tomorrow Lee and I will both be there to wake her up and sing happy birthday. Then she'll go to school and have some cuppy cakeys with her class after they sing happy birthday. Afterwards I'll get her and we'll go to dinner with aunties and Jamison where she'll hear the happy birthday song again. Finally, Lee will come home and we'll sing happy birthday when we put her to bed.

I hope she enjoys the special day as much as us. I can't believe she's going to be four years old.

no complaints here

2011-09-21T09:03:00.004-05:00

Last night I picked Mallory up from school at 445pm and we went home. I immediately discovered that we had no milk so we packed ourselves back up, grabbed Lego-dog and got back into the car. As soon as we arrived at Target I got a phone call from my sister-in-law saying her car had been towed and could we please get Jamie and then pick her up. We stayed in the car and picked Jamie up, then got Nancy and headed to the impound lot. We waited in the car while she went inside to pay. Afterwards we parted ways and we returned home.

During dinner (I grabbed take-out, her choice) I said, "You sat buckled in your car seat over just over 1.5 hours without a single complaint. I'm so impressed by you. You have a better attitude than most any person I know. You smiled, laughed and chatted the whole time, no matter how crabby anyone else was. I'm amazed by you. Thanks." She just smiled. It's nothing to her because she truly has the most laid-back attitude. She will roll with the punches and is usually up for anything. During that trip we missed her dinner time (over and hour late) and she never uttered the words, "I'm hungry." She knew we'd eat as soon as possible, and just sat tight. No, "I have to go to the bathroom because I'm bored." No, "Can't we go home now?" Nothing like that. This is a girl who can wake up in the morning and find out we're leaving for a trip and smile. The next week she could wake up and find out we're going to hang out at home all day. No problem. Next, it's back to school... great, she loves it there.

Hopefully, yes, hopefully, the next time I find myself ready to complain about something, I will remember her positive attitude and allow a bit of it to rub off on me. She made the whole night better and it's yet another reason why I love that girl more than anything.

Thank you, Mallory.

2011-08-21T21:40:00.000-05:00

2011-08-15T20:45:00.000-05:00

We spent the last 4 days at our family reunion in Brainerd. Such a fun time. Mallory spent all of her time on the beach, playing with cousins, skipping naps, staying up late, watching fireworks, and eating anything in site. Oh, and she went tubing for the first time, too. She acted as though it was something she did every single day.

New York Times.

2011-07-21T14:05:00.002-05:00

How neglectful have I been? Man, I guess I'm caught up in all the summer fun.

Here's an article. Enjoy!

The writer, Laura Holson, contacted my sister and asked if she'd be willing to talk with her for an article that she was going to write for the New York Times. She knew she wanted to write about family trees, different families and what they look like now. My sister agreed as long as I was willing to talk as well. Both of us spoke to Laura and after my conversation she said, "Well, I don't know where the article is going to go, and I have a deadline coming up on another one, but I'll be in touch." I thought that was fine. It was fun to talk to someone about our story, since I haven't in so long. I didn't think much more about it until we received an email from a photographer asking if he could send someone to us for a photo shoot. Huh? I thought, "Why would they need photos of us? Aren't we just a line in an article?" But, we all met with the photographer and TWO HOURS later, we finished the photo shoot. We had group shots, family shots and then there were photos of just Mallory and Jamie. The one they chose ended up being one of the first the photographer took.

It was really fun. I'm glad we get to talk about the whole thing because it's such a good reminder for me that we truly are very lucky people to have this great kid in our lives. Every day she makes me laugh and give a quiet thanks for her.

A Mallory sandwich

2011-06-13T19:21:00.001-05:00

Lee's parents, grandma and grandpa, made a sammie out of Mallory.

an update

2011-05-17T10:03:00.003-05:00

My friend Melissa emailed me to say it's been awhile since I posted anything here.
I said I knew, I just wasn't moved to write anything. It's not to say that Mallory hasn't been adorable, funny and changing every day... I don't know.

I've though about it the past week and I think it comes down to the fact that I feel unsettled about the future. I posted awhile back about Lee losing his job and then finding another. However, he's driving a school bus so that job will go away in about 18 days. They have talked about some driving they will need in the summer, but there's nothing consistent that we know of. They don't appear to big in the planning department. For those of us who have a kid in daycare, we kinda need some definitive answers. So, that's where my head is again.

My plan is to keep Mallory in school 3 days a week. We'll make it work because she needs it. She was out of school from October through January and once she went back, she bloomed all over. Don't get me wrong, she loved being home with daddy, but there's just so much more going on at school. Things a 3 1/2 year old needs.

Other than that, I don't know. No plans, just waiting and wondering.

Nowadays I'm bringing Mallory to school, working and picking her up again. I love the little routine we have. I get a kick out of how slow moving she is for the first few minutes then she springs into action and doesn't slow down again until bedtime. I love seeing the other kids greet her in the morning and say goodbye in the evening. I especially like having frequent contact with her teachers. I like both of them so much. Yesterday morning I dropped her off and when I turned back I saw her grab Mr. Andrew's hand and say, "Let's dance because I have a dress on!" Every morning she bursts into the room to give Miss Kay a giant hug. I really love that she loves being there. As I left this morning I heard another girl say, "Mallory, will you be my best friend today?" Ahh, to be a child again.

Besides that she started swimming classes again and has taken to them like a fish (hee hee). She swims the length of the pool with a buoy belt thingy. She's doing well. She just finished another round of gymnastics, too. It was fun to watch but she said she didn't want to sign up again. I don't know why, but I'll probably ask a few more times before I close the door to that option.

I think the thing I'm noticing the most is her memory. She brings things up that I thought were long forgotten... and brings them up during appropriate times. For example, a month or so ago we were driving down the road when she asked what the button with a triangle on it meant on the dashboard. I explained it was the hazard lights and when we use them. She said nothing more. The other day I was backing out of the driveway and got a little too close to a tree next to our driveway. I said, "Whoa, I almost hit that tree. I better pay attention." She replied, "If you hit the tree you wouldn't pressed the triangle button and we would've waited for someone to come help us." Wow.

I'm so glad the weather has changed and we're able to be outside every day. I love chasing around in the yard and listening to her squeal with delight. We are fortunate to have so many parks nearby that we can pick one and have fun for the afternoon. We have so much to look forward to this summer.

Five years

2011-03-31T09:32:00.005-05:00

This week marks five years since Lee's cancer diagnosis. Five years, the magic number that means he doesn't have to think about his cancer again. Five seems a random number since the magic number was 7 when my mom had cancer in 2002... but, with her, we knew 7 years wouldn't come and we just hoped for one year, but I digress.

Nowadays it's five years. Once you make it five years from your diagnosis, you're in the clear. We mentioned this date to each other and quietly acknowledged it. Afterwards we sat quietly because we were both lost in our own thoughts about it.

Later we talked about one of the memories. He was diagnosed the day we were supposed to go out of town to celebrate our second anniversary. It was a Friday. I brought him to the hospital and then got kicked out because they realized I had pink eye. Oddly enough, they don't like contagious people wandering around the hospital. So, I got kicked out and went home. After administering about a tablespoon of medicated eye drops into my eye I called the hotel we were supposed to be in to cancel our reservation. I said, "I need to cancel or change my reservation." The woman responded with, "That's against our policy." I just remember standing in the living room staring out the window and I blurted out, "But my husband was just diagnosed with cancer. I just left him in the hospital!" Silence. She said she'd do whatever we needed, cancel or change it. I said thanks.

It's such an odd memory. It was one of the first times I said "My husband has cancer" out loud and it felt so strange. I think back to how strange it was that I even thought to call them. I remember being so obsessed with my pink eye that I almost asked his oncologist to look at it. I remember how sick he was because the tumor was having an impact on all of his organs so everything was haywire. Every time a new doctor walked into his hospital room I'd think, dear God, what else could possibly be wrong??? I remember that we were trying to get pregnant that same month and I thought, "What if I'm pregnant and he's in the hospital? He'll be even more motivated to get better quickly." So strange. Obviously my head was going a mile a minute but looking back....

We just celebrated our 7th anniversary. We went out of town with Mallory.
We celebrated, laughed and enjoyed our family time. We're so grateful for everything.

sleeping update

2011-03-18T09:41:00.002-05:00

We are making some great strides in our sleep movement at our house. Mallory goes to bed pretty well. She gets up once or twice then stays in bed all night. No accidents, no begging us to sleep with her, no turning on the light to play and no screaming fits. She's getting it.

A few days ago I did something to my back and it's killing me. I can walk around with a little pain but bending down to pick things up and things like that aren't happening right now. Mallory tried to jump on me the other night and I said, "No, no, no, my back hurts. You can't do that." She seems to get it but forgets every 10 minutes when she comes back to jump on me or asks me to participate in her new game that requires me to balance on one leg and touch my toe.

Anyway, last night I went to her room to kiss her goodnight. I asked her to sit up so I could kiss her without bending down. She did and hugged me. While she was hugging me she whispered, "If you lay in bed with me your back will be all better."

Man, you're good kid.

jeans

2011-03-17T20:06:00.001-05:00

This girl does not like to wear jeans. I think it was the promise of birthday cake to a tired girl that we were actually able to talk her into wearing these. She wore them once then said never again. How cute is she? plus those red Converse shoes? SO CUTE!

pride

2011-03-17T10:12:00.002-05:00

This morning was a bit stressful for me. I found a dead mouse on the living room rug. Where my baby plays. I found it and since it was just me and Mallory home, I had to dispose of it. And, yes, I considered putting gloves on her tiny hands and asking her to do it. It took a full minute to talk myself out of that. Anyway, I was beside myself. I cleaned it all up, scrubbed the area and tried to pull myself together. At that very moment Mallory came to the living room upset about her socks. Her socks. I saved her from a dead mouse and she's coming to me about socks?

I said, "Fine, just pick out what you want, put them on and get your shoes." I sat down and watched her. She said, "But I can't know how to do it!" I replied, "You do know how. Mommy's having a little anxiety attack so I need you to do this." She pulled her leggings up to her thighs and looked at her knee high sock. She got them on, pulled the leggings back down without pulling the socks down at the same time, got her shoes on and jumped up and said, "I knew I could do it! I just knew I could do it! I'm so proud mama!"

This made me smile. I knew she could do it to. I never doubted her. I was just so happy to hear her say how proud she is of herself. I said, "I want to hear you say that every day. You need to be proud of yourself every day." But, it fell on deaf ears because she was too busy putting the first pair of socks on the dog.

Our Little Gymnast

2011-03-12T16:37:00.000-06:00

Princesses on Ice

2011-03-11T20:42:00.002-06:00

I entered a giveaway over on Gust Gab to win some tickets to the show: Disney Princesses on Ice. I knew Mallory would love it since we talk about princesses on a daily basis. I asked Jill to enter as well, since she took us to the Elmo show a few months prior. We won and planned our night. As it turned out, she won some additional tickets so we invited Melissa, Nicollette, Julie and Faye. We met for dinner then headed to the Target Center.

The show was incredible. The skating was so good. They told each tale as abbreviated stories and the stars ended happily ever after.

Tinker Bell, Mickey and Minnie Mouse each introduced the different stories. Mallory said she loved watching Tinker Bell skate.

Cinderella is her favorite princess. Or, as she calls her, The Blue Princess. I thought the stories were well done because they took dialogue and songs from each story and had the skaters lip sync along. At first I wasn't sure how it was going to work, but they were such incredible skaters that there was no way they could skate and pull off the talking and singing portions. Also, listening to the songs done in the original voices brought me back to all the original versions, which to me, makes it more meaningful.

Mal and Griffin. I asked them to look at me about 20 times. This was as close as I could get. They look like they're admiring their fans.

Mallory and Nicollette standing in front of the Little Mermaid's wedding dress.

When I think back to the night I smile thinking about Mallory's pure joy during the show. At times she would sit with a giant smile on her face. Other times she would try to tell me what was going on in her very excited way.... "Mama, it's the Little Mermaid! She's skating and singing!" Then there were the moments where she just pointed at the skaters and smiled. I hope these memories stick with her.... I love the memories we're making together.

Thank you again Darcie. It was a wonderful night!

2011-03-06T22:06:00.002-06:00

What a weekend.
I wrote about my irritation with going back to the doctor in order to get a prescription for Mallory's ear infection. I came home Friday afternoon so Lee could go to work. When I walked in Mallory was asleep. She woke up and came into the living room to lay down. I looked at her adn her little face was bright red. I took her temp and she had a temperature of 103 degrees. I was shocked. I gave her some tylenol and a cool cloth. She slept most of the afternoon waking only to drink some water and get some hugs. By about 9pm her temp was back down and she was in better spirits. It was pretty scary.

Saturday was my birthday. I wasn't sure what Mallory would be like in the morning, whether or not she'd still be sick. She was fine. More than fine. She had a whole day to make up for. She played and asked to go to gymnastics. Since she seemed fine, we went. They went to the big gym where the older girls practice and used some of their equipment. It was pretty fun to watch.

Afterwards we had lunch and napped. Jenny, Nancy and Jamie came over and Jenny and Lee made dinner. So good. Later we left Jamie and Mallory with Lee and met Cindy for a few drinks. It was nice to hang out for a little and just relax. Since we're all old, we were home and in bed before midnight.

So, a weekend of ups and downs. My best gift was Mallory feeling better. It's just so sad to see her struggle and look so helpless. She's such a strong person to see her need help walking around was very hard.

Had a very happy birthday. Thank you so much to my friends, family and the lovely Mallory!

back to the doctor... waste of time and money

2011-03-04T10:48:00.003-06:00

This just irritates me. On Tuesday Mallory had a barky cough so, being the good mom I am, I called the nurse line to ask about it. She said, "Sounds like croup but bring her in to check her breathing to make sure her lungs are OK." Didn't hesitate, just scheduled an appointment with the only person available that day. It was someone we hadn't seen before, but that's fine.

It occurred to me that Lee would be home from 930am - 130pm so I went back to work and sent him to the appointment with a long list of questions and a detailed history of her current illness. Here's what it looked like:

She woke up at 7am with a barky cough.
She's wheezing, but does not have any problems getting air.
Her lips never turned blue.
She's not in pain. She's not listless. Very good spirits.
No fever.
She's had a cold since Friday.

I then listed a bunch of questions like:
Is she contagious?
Can she return to school today? tomorrow? this week?
Dietary restrictions (like no milk?)
ear issues?
medications?
can we give her tylenol?

My list was longer than this but it ended with:
Ask her if there's anything else that you didn't ask but your wife might believe to be important.
I know it's a bit controlling, but he doesn't really ask questions.

Plus, he once led his oncologist to believe that he was a heroin user. HE HAS NEVER USED HEROIN but he tends to get involved in more than his share of confused/miscommunication.

Anyway, I realize I just should've gone, but I don't have an endless supply of sick time.

On Tuesday the doctor said Mallory had fluid in her ears that could lead to an ear infection but didn't write up a prescription or anything. So, this morning when she woke up screaming about her sore ear I called the doctor and asked that they send in a prescription for the ear infection that she knew to be brewing 3 days ago.

Um, no. She called back and told Lee to come in for another check. He called me and I said, "Well, why? She saw her 3 days ago and knew this was happening. Why are we going back? Just to pay another copayment?"
This kind of stuff drives me crazy. There is no need for another appointment. We all know what's going on with her ear. It will take the doctor about 10 seconds to look in her ear and say, "Um, yes, it sure is an ear infection. Where should I send the prescription?"

But, I can't say no because she has the power to say, "Then you don't get the antibiotics and, by the way, you can't give your kid too much pain medication, either."

We could wait and go to Urgent care and pay twice and as much. Or wait and go to the ER and just leave her there for payment. Nice, thanks.

Lesson learned.

croup and future goals

2011-03-02T09:46:00.002-06:00

Mallory had a cold over the weekend. She slept quite a bit (overnight and naps) and by Monday we thought we had it beat. But, Tuesday morning she woke up with a barking cough. We brought her to the doctor who said she has the croup and the possible beginnings of an ear infection. So, she returned to school and seemed fine.

Last night during stories she announced that she wanted to a doctor when she "gets bigger." Great, we'd love that. This morning she said she wants to be a doctor for animals. We'll see. It's written here now, so if this plans come to fruition, I'll read this back to her and say, "This has been your dream since you were 3 years old."

a picture

2011-02-23T19:15:00.003-06:00

Mallory and Jamie at Jamie's 6th birthday party.

Seeing these two kids together always makes me smile. Mallory loves Jamie and shows him every chance she gets. She sits by him, hugs him, copies him and watches every single thing he does. Jamie is less obvious about his love for her, but we know it's there. We were taking a walk once and Lego ran into Mallory and knocked her down. Mallory was fine, but Jamie was furious with the dog. I explained that it was an accident and Lego didn't mean to hurt her but Jamie mumbled under his breath, "He hurt my Mallory."

I'm so glad they have each other. I hope they maintain a strong friendship as they grow up. Two of my favorite people in the world.

PS, Jenny's fancy new phone is in this picture, too. I bet when she sees this photo she'll hone in on her new phone, print the picture and frame that portion of it. She.loves.that.phone.

It's her first piece of real technology, so I can't really blame her for being so excited. It's just such a change for the person who doesn't really like TV, rarely listens to music and, up until a few weeks ago, had a phone that required you to pull up the antennae before saying hello. I think Charlie's Angels had a cooler phone than her.

first dentist visit

2011-02-16T08:41:00.002-06:00

Mallory visited the dentist for the first time yesterday. When we got there she hopped right into the chair and asked if the big overhead light was going to make her grow. I said it's a big flashlight that lets people see into her mouth. She stared at me and a giant smile formed on her face.

The hygienist brushed her teeth and used the water and sucker thing to clean things up. Mallory, being Mallory, didn't let that go on for very long before she asked if she could do it. The hygienist let her brush for a bit and then took her turn again. She counted teeth and chatted about sugar and all that good stuff. It took awhile for the dentist to arrive so Mallory thought that meant she was free to do her thing. I never knew how many dangerous objects existed in the office so I spent most of the time holding her down so she wouldn't tear things apart.

We saw the dentist for a few minutes then left with lots of prizes. She did really well and wasn't the least bit scared.

back in school

2011-02-14T12:03:00.003-06:00

Daddy is working again! Big news, exciting news. Since the job is new, I don't really have a handle on the hours or how it will impact our family... I'm just focused on the fact that Mallory gets to go back to school.

I think she was doing so well there in the 5 months she attended before her break so I was sad to see her stop. But, she's back and she hasn't missed a beat. I told her teachers she didn't really seem to realize that she's been out for 3 months because she talked about them as if they were still regularly in her life. But, she's back and happy. I just got a call from the school and the director told me that Mallory was having a fabulous day and got right back into things.

I'm so proud of that girl.

my girl

2011-02-08T14:34:00.002-06:00

One of my favorite things about Mallory is her ability to make me laugh.

Today she and daddy called because they were about to head off to a nap. She got on the phone and said, "Mama! I have a big surprise for you so come home right now!" I told her I had to work a little longer but would be home soon. Her, "Okaaaay. I will go to bed and show you when I wake up. Bye. NO! I want to hang up the phone." Then I hear a movement and the distinct sound of a phone being thrown. Yes, the girl threw the phone down the hall because that is exactly how you say goodbye after a phone call.

She has a good sense of humor.
While at the library we were putting a puzzle together. In the end it was an ocean scene with various ocean creatures swimming about. I asked her where the dolphin's blow hole was. She pointed to it silently. I asked her where the whale was. Pointed to it. "Where's the fishy fishy fishy?" She pointed to them. I asked her to point out the crabby cakes. Now this is the term we use for actual crabs, as well as the term we use to describe a crabby person. For example, "Daddy's a crabby cakes today so let's tickle him." So she was looking at the puzzle and couldn't find the crab. She pointed to the coral. "Nope." She pointed to the rocks. "Nope." She stared for a bit and then looked up and pointed at herself. haha! cutie. Nope, not you. At least not today.
She laughed and said, "I'm so funny!!"

Last Friday

2011-02-07T06:26:00.003-06:00

We had an incident on Friday night. It's one of those things that I have a hard time talking about because it was awful. But, I also need to put it out there because I'm (literally) exhausted from thinking about it. I want to put it out there just to be done with it.

We went to the ice sculptures with our friends Cindy, Brian and their 3 kids. We got there at about 630pm and started to walk around. They were at Rice Park in St. Paul. It's a relatively small park... takes up about a city block. If memory serves, it has two sidewalks that run diagonal through the park and the sculptures are displayed on either side of the sidewalks running most of the way down and up each sidewalk. There were cops posted at barricades about 3/4 of the way down each sidewalk, just before each intersection. In the middle of the 'X' was a large stage. A band was playing when we arrived.

We walked up one section of sidewalk and got to a large throne carved out of ice. Took cute pictures of the kids sitting together and moved on. By the time we got to our third leg of the sidewalks we stopped at one. I took a photo then turned around and saw Lee looking back and forth. I realized right away that he didn't know where Mallory was. I asked, "Where is she?" He said, "She was there, one second ago." We both looked at the place we were standing and she wasn't there. It had been ONE SECOND. I spun around in a circle and looked at each kid and didn't see her. I ran to the cop at the barricade and asked, "Did you see a little girl walk by? She had a pink coat, dark pink pants, green boots and a purple hat..." He said, "No." I ran the other way. Lee took off running down another path. I think Cindy started to run, too, but I don't know because I was gone. I was screaming, looking at each kid and saying, "Fuck. Why does every kid have a pink coat with dark pink pants. I'm never buying pink again!" I screamed, I ran, I pushed. It felt like years were going by. I was so scared, confused and simply panicked. I couldn't figure out why people were just standing around and why the cops were just watching me. Help! I ran up to the stage and stopped the band and said, "My daughter is gone. Please announce something so everyone can look for her." The singer asked what she was wearing and as soon as I started to describe her I turned and saw Cindy holding her and running towards me.

Oh my God. She was there. I grabbed her and just held on. We found Lee, he grabbed her. I took her back. She kept saying, "It's fine. It's fine."

I don't really know what happened. I just kind of understand from Brian and Cindy that after we took off Brian stood in place with his 3 kids. At some point he looked past that first cop I spoke with and saw Mallory standing at the street corner. She turned around and came back. Cindy ran up and grabbed her.

We tried to ask her what happened but she didn't give answers that made sense. We stood around for a bit but I don't really know whether or not we did anything or just left. I was just holding her and still numb. I know we got back to the car and I just sobbed. Mallory kept asking me what was wrong and I finally said, "I lost you, Mallory. I didn't know where you were. It scared me." She responded with, "I'm fine." We tried to ask why she walked away. We asked what happened that made her turn around at the street corner. Nothing. Lee finally fed her an answer in an attempt to calm me down. He asked, "Mallory, did you stop at the corner because you knew it was too dangerous to cross alone?" He knew she would agree, which she did. Who knows.

That night, sleep issues be damned, I put her to bed and laid with her. I held onto her and continued to cry. She eventually fell asleep and I watched her. I tried to go to sleep but each time I shut my eyes I envisioned her standing alone on the street corner. I couldn't turn my brain off so I tried to distract myself with the TV, then a book, but nothing helped. I finally passed out at 3am and bolted awake at 7am when I heard her.

I'm so grateful that it turned out well. I'm still aware of what could have happened, though. The whole ordeal must have lasted about 5 minutes, maybe less. I don't know. It was a blur, but one filled with panic, which makes the memory so bad.

Over the last few days I've gone back to it with her a couple of times and the most I have been able to get out of her is that she just started to walk and lost track of us. In her words, "I watched myself walk in my boots then stopped." I think she was bored with the sculptures and was standing amongst adults, so she just didn't pay attention.

When we got to church on Sunday I found myself just saying "thank you" over and over for her safe return. I realize most people would say, "Well, nothing happened so just be glad she came back." I am, and I would say the same thing to someone... that is, I would've said that... Then it happened to us and I know that you can't just say, "Wow, that was close" and return to business as usual. It was terrifying.

But, she IS fine and I am so grateful that nothing happened to her.

snow sculptures

2011-02-01T10:31:00.004-06:00

I love finding new family things to do. I have certain criteria, like it can't be too expensive. It's can't require me participating in such a way that I feel silly (like mom and daughter dancing) and it can't require Mallory to sit for long periods because that just ain't her style.

Since it's Winter Carnival time in Minnesota I've been looking at all the activities. This year they have organized 125 different things since it's the 125th year. Amazing. I found the snow sculptures in the paper so I thought it would be fun to check them out. And yes, I thought, "I wonder if they're Mallory-proofed, just in case." Answer, they aren't, but they have the sculptures roped off and I only had to grab Mallory once to tell her not to run under them. Yes, we're the crazy looking people with THAT kid.

Anyway, back to it. We got there and looked at the amazing sculptures. I don't have photos up yet, but I put them on my fb page. Photos don't do these things justice. They're creative, funny, sweet and so well done. Each time I walked up to a new one I thought, "Wow, that's amaaaaazing." Even the artist in Lee was blown away by a few of them.

At the end we found one of two extra snow mounds that kids climbed on. Mallory went wild and climbed with the best of them.

Hopefully we'll make our way to the ice sculptures this weekend in Rice Park. The parade is Saturday, too, but the weather might stop us from attending that one.

If you have a chance, go check out the sculptures. You'll be glad you did.

gymnastics, take two

2011-02-01T08:54:00.004-06:00

Remember when I posted about what a great gymnast my kid was? Well, as you can expect, I've been brought back down.

In the fall I decided to enroll Mallory in gymnastics because she loved to run, jump, roll, spin, balance and all that good stuff. Fall seemed a good time to get started because it would bring us into the winter, when we get stuck inside. Good exercise for her and something fun. We finished that class through a community program held at the Shoreview Community Center. When it came time for our next registration I moved her over to Roseville, since that's closer. According to the registration book she had to meet requirements of forward roll, donkey kick and some other action that she could do from day 1 of her last class. Figured this would be a piece of cake. As an aside, this was the first time I could get her into the Roseville class because kids have to be 3 years old at the start of class. Since we have a September 29th baby, she misses all those registration dates. Anyway, I figured it was no big deal to switch locations. One community ed class is the same as the neighboring community ed class, right?

WRONG.
We started the class on Monday night, rather than Saturday morning. We arrived at the first class and it was clear the coaches knew all the other kids and the other kids knew them. I introduced Mallory and let her go. I was so surprised to see her refuse to participate. A month ago she jumped up every time the previous coach asked someone to demonstrate something. This time she sat on the floor and just watched. OK, that's fine. When it came time for the beam she acted as though she couldn't cross it. At the uneven bars she wouldn't listen. She jumped on the tramp, probably because she couldn't help herself. That was it though. I was so surprised. Afterwards I said, "This hasn't happened. She loves to participate. I guess we'll see how it goes next week." The coach explained that the other kids in class had been in that level for awhile, meaning, they retake the same class over and over. huh.

The next week was no different. She sat in place and watched. She didn't listen, ran around and had to be told every few minutes to find her listening ears. Wow. I asked if we should move down a level. The coach said it was full and suggested we try the Saturday class. We went to that one over the weekend and she listened much better. She did all the activities and seemed to have a good time.

During class I saw a little peanut of a girl who was amazing to watch. I asked her mom how old she was. She said, "She turned 3 in May." So she is about 4 months older than Mallory. She went on to say that this was their 3rd time in this class. Then she offered, "We started in St. Paul when she was 18 months old and moved her to this class as soon as she turned 3. So I was in your boat. I know what it's like to have the new kid." Was it that obvious? I also noticed another child who said she was 6 years old. Huh? That seems so old for this class. Then I heard her dad order to focus about 5 times. He even pulled her over to the side for a "pep talk" which left her in tears. I thought she was a really good listener as she was the kid who demonstrated everything and happily participated.

After watching the 6 year old with her dad I found myself thinking about my own behavior. I was frustrated with Mallory for not listening and for acting so strange. I didn't expect her to be a perfect at anything. I do expect her to listen and try. I hope I didn't look like that dad when I was telling her to turn around and pay attention. I have a feeling that I will be seeing more of the "stage parents" in activities like these but these kids seem so young to have expectations of perfection put upon them.

So, as long as she enjoys gymnastics we'll stick with it. From the sounds of it, we'll be at this level for awhile. Probably not 3 years, but we'll see. Last night Mallory offered to show us everything she does in gymnastics. She laughed during her "events" and seemed really happy with it all. That makes it worth it.

Mal & I at the snow sculptures

2011-01-30T16:37:00.000-06:00

Day off at the zoo

2011-01-27T06:27:00.003-06:00

Yesterday Lee (who has been looking for a job) went to a meeting for a possible job. It was the middle of the day so I took the day off from work to hang with the girl. Tuesday night I saw the weather would be a balmy 20 degrees so I suggested we hit the zoo. She was excited. In the morning I thought it might be fun to go to Como, rather than the New Zoo, since it's closer and we hadn't been there in the winter before.

When we arrived I was happy to find a spot in the lot. It's such a crap shoot to get a spot there in the winter that I felt lucky. Once inside the building I questioned whether or not it was really open since there were very few people there.

We decided to go straight to the polar bear exhibit. We've been before, in the summer, but since it's so poorly designed, we didn't really get to enjoy it. When we arrived at the building it was us, the bears and two volunteers. Wow. We took jackets off (the building was HOT) and looked for the bears. We chatted with the volunteers, stared at fish, and watched the bears wander about. We were in there for probably 20 minutes before anyone else showed up. Nice. We bundled up and headed towards the big cats. On the way we saw some of the outside animals and ran around.

Inside the cat building it was just us and the one volunteer. He was excited to talk about the big cats. He told us that the female lion we looked at gave birth to 8 cubs and does not get along with any of the daughters, just the sons. She also abandoned two babies. One was raised by the big guy at the zoo for 8 months in his house. The other was shipped somewhere else. Huh, I've been coming to the zoo forever and I didn't know that. He told more stories then read a book about big cats with Mallory. Very sweet.

Mallory wanted to see the giraffes so we were off. They stay inside all winter so I asked the volunteer if the small stall was their only place to hang in the winter. She said there was another portion for them but that was the only place for us to see them. I asked about the size, since it seems so small. She explained that they are so skittish that if they have a very large area inside they might get spooked about something, start to run and hurt themselves. She also said they have one or two babies born every year. Those little baby giraffes are pretty cute.

We wandered around a little more then met daddy for lunch. Mallory was wiped out so didn't put up much of a fight when we suggested a nap. When she woke up daddy was at his web design class so we were alone for the night. After dinner I said we could play then take a bath. She loved the idea then said, "How about I just take a bath instead? I'll go turn on the water now." Um, OK.

She took a marathon bath including the song, "Barbie is swimming with her earrings. My mama wears pretty earrings and Barbie loves to have earrings as pretty as my mamaaaaaa's." Great song Mallory!

I love these days with Mallory. She finds everything so interesting and she has so much to say about our adventures.

my love

2011-01-26T09:29:00.001-06:00

friends

2011-01-19T06:18:00.002-06:00

Last night we planned to watch Connor, Logan and Trevor for a few hours. While we were eating dinner Cindy called to say Trevor wasn't feeling well so they were cancelling their plans and staying home. She said 2 year old (almost 3) Trevor was upset and wanted to say hi to Mallory. While she was handing him the phone I put ours on speaker and said, "Mallory, can you tell Trevor you love him?" Mallory, "I love you Trevor." A second later a little voice came over the phone, "I love you Mallory." The smile that appeared on my girl's face... I love that her relationship with him is important enough for her to enjoy hearing that.

things are changing

2011-01-11T20:59:00.001-06:00

This past weekend daddy took Mallory to a birthday party. The invitation said to dress in fancy clothes so I got everything together for them. I had to work so they went on their own. They returned home with painted nails and lots of photos of all the dressing up these girls did. That led to our day together doing this:

This girlie stuff is a turning point for my little babycakes. She's moving from playing with anything put in front of her to choosing something like this. Today she didn't want to play with play doh. She wanted to choose a nail polish color and put it on. Afterward she wanted me to brush her hair. I fell in love all over again.

When I found out we were having a girl days like this flashed in my mind. Pedi's together on mother's day. Massages for birthdays. Picking out new nail colors every season. Buying purses together. Practicing new ways to do hair at night to wear the next day.... the list goes on.

Actually, I'm not really a girlie girl.I like this stuff but I'm practical. I don't have any fashion sense and I don't get what goes on in magazines. So, while I'm much more practical than this post implies I am better at the girl stuff than I am at the boy.

Tonight we had Connor, Logan and Trevor over to play. Lee immediately pulled out the train set and captured everyone's attention. Me, not so much. I stared at it for a bit then lost interest and kept suggesting other toys. No one bit. I assumed no one would want me to brush their hair. We spent the night with trucks, running and screaming. It was fun, but man, so different than our afternoon.

At this point in time Mallory is still my rough and tumble girl but another side is peeking through. She started the chase game tonight that had us all playing chase and tag. When they left she asked if I would find more nail polish for her tomorrow.
Mallory, your world is expanding... thanks for my front row seat.

Yes, I'm knocking on wood

2011-01-05T09:48:00.002-06:00

Mallory stayed in bed, slept all night and kept her bed dry, for the past 2 nights!!! Currently we are using the sticker system. One sticker for staying in bed all night and one for staying dry. When she collects 5 stickers she gets a prize. After 2 week she finally earned a prize yesterday. She was so excited and talked about it all night. This morning Lee called when she woke up so we could put the two stickers on "together." She told me what colors she chose and asked to have an extra one to wear on her shirt. We pretended to think about it and said OK, but really we were thinking, "YES YES YES continue to be excited about these stickers!!!" She also took a peek at the remaining prizes and knows what she wants for the next choice.

We're still working on having her go to bed at a decent time. Last night Lee said she was up until 11pm. (I was sick so I went to bed at 8pm and fell sound asleep). Anyway, I secretly don't feel sorry for Lee. I asked if he stuck with the plan (see below) and he admitted that he didn't. I guess it's a learning process for all of us. Anyway, she did well over the weekend with this plan. Daddy just has to remember to stick to it too.

We go thru the normal reading routine then put her in bed. We say, "If you lay here quietly I'll be back in 10 minutes to rub your back." When she runs out we just put her back, remind her that we'll be back in 10 minutes, and start over.
Over the weekend she did well. She came out right away twice but I calmly walked her back. When I went in after the 10 minutes she was sitting up and said, "Mama, I was quiet the whole time. Will you rub my back?"
We will be able to phase this out, but I think that will take some time. At least this gives us all a chance to be calm and not argue at bedtime.

a letter to Mallory

2010-12-30T06:38:00.004-06:00

Dear Mallory,
Please go to sleep. Please.go.to.sleep.

I feel like I say this about 6000 times every day... for both your nap and bedtime. I can't help but feel like we're horrible parents because our three year old doesn't sleep. You used to be a perfect sleeper. We never had any problems. For the past 6 - 8 months you have made the decision to stop sleeping. We've tried to be calm and just wait you out. We've tried to lay down with you. We've tried to have you sleep in our bed... alone, with one of us, with both of us. We've tried to have you sleep on your own mattress in our room. We've tried to just leave you. We've gotten angry. We've gotten sad. We've ignored it all. We've made your bedtime earlier and later. We've extended the bedtime routine, we've shortened it. We've changed it. We've let you skip your nap thinking you were done with them. You just fell asleep on your own around 5pm. You still need naps. We've taken away the good things. We set up a sleeping chart with stickers and getting stickers means getting a prize. We've bribed you. Oh how we've bribed you. We threatened you Santa. I even called Santa while you were sitting next to me and told him to skip our house. Your response, "That's OK. I have my barbies."
Nothing works. You sleep when you feel like it. Sadly, that means you sleep from about 11pm until 430am. How you manage? I have no idea.

We are going crazy. Please move out of this phase. Now.

Thank you. And we still love you, no matter how sleep deprived we are.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T18:34:00.001-06:00

And the hits just keep comin'.... maybe

2010-12-22T06:51:00.006-06:00

As mentioned, this has been just a difficult time in our house. We try to focus on the positive, but these negative things just keep inching their way into our lives and it feels crummy. Everything is money related and I find myself in a constant state of, "What's going to happen next?" I asked Lee to scrape the snow off the roof because I was convinced it would collapse in on the house. He did a little and cut a screen open during the process. No biggie. Fixable, but still. I'm hyper vigilant about keeping the dryer vent clean (I'm always on top of it, but I've been cleaning it during the drying cycles now). Same goes for the furnace filter. I keep looking at the furnace to make sure it's working properly but then I remind myself that I really know nothing about anything, so if it something was wrong, I wouldn't know. Plus, it's actually new, so it's under warranty. I need to pay attention to other things. The point is, I'm on edge waiting for something to happen because I'm convinced this cloud hanging over us sucking up all of our money is getting bigger.

Last night Lee pulled my ipod out of the washer. How it got there, I really don't know. I have no one to blame but myself. I had it home because when our computer died, it took my itunes library with it. I hoped to sync it up to itunes and see if (by some miracle) the empty itunes library would recognize my little ipod and magically transfer the songs from the ipod back into the library. Probably wouldn't have worked, but the apple people said it might be worth a shot. But, alas, it's dead.

I realize it seems like a little thing, but man, I loved that ipod. I listened to it every day at work. Music always helps.... no matter what. It elevates a good mood, makes me laugh, cry and feel good all over. When I was on leave after Mallory was born we took time every day to turn on the "my baby" section to dance and sing. I'm convinced that's why she loves music so much now. Lately I've kept it at work. My job duties keep me in my office all day long so having it at work keeps me sane. I shut my door, turn up the music and relax. It always works. But, now it's gone. I can't justify buying a new one. Maybe next year... but still.
Oh IP (that's what I called him) I'll miss you. We had some good times.

Update:
I wrote the above paragraphs in the morning while I was in full self pity mode. I put it on hold for awhile and started to work. At about 9am there was a knock at my door and when I said come in, my door opened and a bag came flying in, then the door shut again. I opened the bag and found an ipod.

Needless to say, my jaw dropped and tears filled my eyes. I knew who did it so I went to my friend's office to say thank you and explain that this is way too big of a gift.

She started to cry and said, "I have been there. I know you're in a bad place now and I know just one kind gesture is all you need." I nodded and she went on to say that an ipod is one of those things that I wouldn't justify buying for myself (yes, see the above paragraph) even though it's something important. She added, "There will come a time when you're in a different place and someone will need something and you'll be the one to step up. You've done it before and I know it's going to happen again." We sat and talked, and cried, and laughed, for a long time. It truly was one of those things that I never saw coming that I will appreciate forever.

So, Donna, thank you. You are one of my best friends and you know I will always appreciate you.

a picture

2010-12-18T13:12:00.002-06:00

I mentioned that we got a new computer. We also started to put pictures in a new program called Picasa. It's pretty cool so far but we still have a lot to learn about it. One feature allows you to send photos directly to your blog. I tried it with this one. Little cutie.

focusing on the positive

2010-12-17T07:22:00.004-06:00

As I may have mentioned in the previous post, the things going on during this time in our lives feel overwhelming and frustrating. It felt like every time we dealt with one issue, a second one immediately appeared as if to say, "Haha, you thought you were done, but guess what?!"

One of those things was our computer crashing. It came out of nowhere. I suppose a hard drive crash doesn't give anyone warning... but, Lee called and said, "I used the computer this morning and went back to it this afternoon and it just stopped working."
Ugh. My first thought...my pictures. Three years of Mallory photos are gone. All of the, "We really need to back up all of these pictures" conversations replayed in my head as I was banging it against the wall. That was it though. I didn't give it any more attention.

Why? because I had enough. I just didn't have the energy to get worked up about this. My emotions were wrapped up in everything else.

We handed over our computer to our geek friend, Yaron. He said he'd try to find the photos and save as much as possible. Then he set us up with a termporary computer so Lee could continue his job search.

This happened THE VERY DAY I said, "Hey, I'm getting my stability pay so we can start to save some money..." (Stability pay in the county is the equivalent to a bonus in the private sector).
So, now that "bonus" went to the computer. I'm so grateful that it was there, but a little bummed that we had to use it. I prefer to focus on the fact that it was there when we needed it. Last night we (me, Lee and Yaron) bought a new computer. He came over afterwards and spent 2 hours setting it up. I don't really know what he did, I just know that he was pleased with the result. He said he won't bring over the photos until we get an external hard drive so he can set it all up. We've learned our lesson.

So, today I think about where we are right now.
-We lost our computer, but we have a friend who can help fix it. He found 3200 photos and believes about 3200 are gone forever. OK, I can deal with that. We had to buy a new computer, but we have that same friend to help us get the most out of it. He took so much time to help us get it all settled. Thank goodness.
-We have friends who are willing to let us spend no money and just come hang out. So nice.
-We have people who will listen to us complain about our situation and help point out the great things going on.
-I still have my job that pays pretty well and allows for all kinds of flexibility. We've lived on my salary before and we can do it again.
-I believe Mallory will go back to school soon. They are keeping her place. The director said, "We're keeping her locker. We aren't saying good-bye. We're just taking a little break."
-I realized that we are actually fine not going out to eat. We've gone out to eat just once since the end of October (Chipotle with Jenny and family). That's it, not so bad.
- Then there's that girl. The one we love more than anything. She makes us smile no matter what. As an aside, the other night we were all eating dinner. I started feeling sorry for myself and our mess. I was tearing up so I left the table. Mallory obviously followed because I heard Lee say, "Come back Mallory, mama needs a minute alone." She replied, "No, I'll just be a minute. Mama needs me." She sat across from me chewing her food and making silly faces. So crazy. I laughed out loud and she said, "See mama, we're happy now." Part of me feels badly for putting her in that position. But another part of me believes this won't be the last time she has to respond to someone else's emotions, so it was really nice to see her handle it so well.
Anyway, Mallory is having fun at home and we have presents for her under the tree. She seems so excited about them. I'm more excited about them for her. Since she can't read I'll spill a bit... I bought those glow stars for the ceiling that we all had as kids. Since she doesn't like to go to bed I thought the stars would give her a reason to look forward to bed time. I smiled last night when we went outside and she said, "look up in the sky mama! Do you see the moon!!! Look mama, it's the moon and OH, some stars! Catch them for me!!!" Yeah, I think she'll be very happy with her glow stars. I also got her a puzzle and a few books. These things will make her so happy and give us all a wonderful Christmas.

Thank you all so much for your kindness and support. It feels good to know we're not alone.

A crappy time

2010-12-14T12:59:00.000-06:00

We've had a few changes around here that haven't been very positive. Lee lost his job which sent us into a tailspin. At first there was shock and fear of losing part of our income. Then a flood of other emotions that came one at a time, or sometimes together. I've learned a lot over these past months. Overall it's been a long, stressful and upsetting few months. I'm putting this out there now because I want to be able to move forward and get rid of some of the anger and frustration I'm feeling. Plus, I started writing these things down so Mallory can look back at her her world. This is a big part of it so it's really not fair to not include it here.

Also, I'm someone who believes if you put it out there, it's the first step to letting it go. I learned that rather innocently and it has quickly become a rule to live by. But, I digress.

Lee came home at the end of October and said he lost his job. My heart fell and landed in my stomach. I ached. I physically ached. Not only was it a job he liked, but it was a job in his chosen field and losing that was a kick to his ego.

I immediately thought about Mallory. My sister and I were raised by our mom. A single mom with very little money. For those who don't know this world it boils down to uncertainty and chaos. We moved frequently and often didn't know whether there would be enough money to cover bills each month. I have memories from childhood that include me giving my mom babysitting money to put towards the rent. I was 12. Paying rent shouldn't be something a pre-teen should have to worry about but I did. As time went on our mom got better jobs and money became less of a concern. We never became wealthy, not by any stretch of the imagination, but things became... less tight.

Fast forward a few years and you have me as adult who needs one thing: stability. I picked my major before I started college and not only stuck with that, but picked up a second major before I graduated. I worked for 3 years then started grad school because that was the plan I made for myself. I bought my house when I was in grad school. While friends were living with roommates, buying transitional townhouses, renting, etc, I knew I wanted a foundation. I wanted a house because I was staying put. I knew what kind of job I wanted so I got a job with the County because I knew it would give me that stability I needed. Not wanted, needed. It was only then that I met Lee and he moved into the house I first bought. Our house. Then came Mallory and we were happy here because the schools were good, we liked the neighbors and location. A perfect recipe for the stable person I always wanted to be.

Again, coming back to the point, Lee losing his job created way too much chaos for me. I knew Mallory would have to come out of school again. She's 3 and she'll be fine, I get that. I know that, but I don't want to yank her out and have her home now. She shouldn't have to suffer because of our choices. Further, the timing was pretty terrible. It came when we have a lot of expenses (huge car repair, we just had floors redone, our computer crashed and we were thinking of moving). This money stuff was fine when we had 2 incomes, but now, not great. It's also hard because this is the time of year when people are getting together to go out, have fun and spend money. Our budget took such a dramatic turn that I had to turn down invitations. It was embarrassing and sad. Further, it's Christmas... What is this season going to look like? We aren't in a position to purchase a lot of things and while I don't care about material items for the holidays, try explaining that to the younger recipients of gifts. Mallory is too young to get it and I'm not worried about her. It's the rest of the limits we need to establish now (buying gifts for other family members).

The week before Thanksgiving was her last day at school. I sobbed when I picked her up. She didn't really seem to get it and just said good-bye like any other day. I went back a week later for her scheduled conference and found out how well she was doing and talked about what we need to continue to do at home to maintain what she was learning. I don't think she really gets that she doesn't attend school anymore. She still talks about her teachers as though they are still a part of her life. I guess that's fine. She likes being home with daddy.

It's a hard time. It's stressful to have financial worries. I've done as much as possible to protect my child from these things but, sadly, I've failed. But, we're here and we'll get thru it. We always do. I know it's hard to see this whole situation clearly because we're really stuck in it right now. I will look back at it later and learn from it. I know that we lived on my income before and we were fine. We didn't have the huge expenses we're facing now, but... oh well.

My only goal is to continue to solve problems as they arise and enjoy every minute we have with Mallory. There are plenty of free and inexpensive things to do around town during the holidays. Lee and Mallory are taking advantage of many of them and having some fun. It's a bit of a cold snap right now so most of their time is spent at home doing lots of cool projects. We won those crayola color wonder items from Darcie a few months ago and she LOVES them. Jamie will be over a few days next week which makes her endlessly happy. We've had some movie nights with the Doffing clan and she just loves to sit with those boys and play. We did the holidazzle parade, story time at the library and Lee has play dates scheduled.

So, I guess I don't have a good way to close. We're stressed right now but doing what we can to be happy and positive at home. I appreciate everything we have and look forward to the end of this chapter in our lives. I'm so grateful to the friends and family who have helped us through all of this. I know that it's hard for people to show up during this time... when I'm unhappy and showing it, but for those who are still here, I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you even if I don't say it.

And Mallory, I'm sorry that you have to face challenges at such a young age but I know you won't grow into the strong person you need to be unless you face some obstacles. I want you to see that even though this is an emotional time, we're still figuring everything out and getting through it.

2010-11-26T22:08:00.002-06:00

Mallory had her last day at gymnastics. We actually thought to bring the camera this time and Auntie Jenny came to see. Here she is with her certificate.

This is at the vault station. On this task she was supposed to jump across these mats. I love that she holds her hands like this, both above her head and straight out, even though that was not part of the directions. She's a natural.

Below she was at the floor station and had to jump from the mat onto the floor and d a straddle jump.
Finally, the bars. This is the monkey drop or something like that. She also puts her feet between her hands to do the monkey flip.

This was the cutest part. During the class she would stop what she was doing to run over to auntie and give her a hug. That girl is pretty sweet. She was so proud of herself and happy that auntie came to see her. She talked about it all day, "Mama, auntie came to see me at gymnastics today!"

little things

2010-11-04T08:17:00.002-05:00

The reason I started this online journal was to note the experiences in Mallory's life. Big, little and anything in between. I feel so lucky to watch this kid's world expand and I want to be able to remember all of the moments.

The other day we were driving home from daycare. The road is 2 lanes but since it's by Rosedale mall, there are lots of curves and stop lights. In addition, most people who live around there know how to drive down the roads. The "outsiders" drive around without a clue as to how to enter into the mall grounds, so they do a lot of stopping, pausing, cutting... they display poor driving skills. Since I know that, I'm generally pretty careful around that area. I pay attention to everything because you never know when someone is going to come flying at you. It's frustrating and I tend to swear when people start driving like that. But, since I don't swear in front of Mallory anymore, I opt for different language. Mostly I say, "Are you kidding me?"

This week we were driving down the road when a minivan cut us off. Fine. I'm used to it around there. Then the driver jumped into the next lane, then cut me off again by swinging back into my lane right away. I couldn't get around the driver so I just hung back watching him drive into and out of my lane four more times. It was insane, even for the mall. Since Mallory was quiet in the back the whole time I said nothing. I assumed she was zoned out and I didn't want to disrupt her. Finally I pulled up next to the minivan at the next light. I said nothing and was just curious as to whether or not the driver would be obviously drunk. As I was staring Mallory piped up in the back, "He's not kidding you mama. He's not kidding at all. He's trying to hit you. Watch it."

Spanish

2010-11-03T06:02:00.002-05:00

When the school told me that Mallory would have a lesson in Spanish every Tuesday I thought, "Oh, that's nice" and moved on. But a week ago she said, "Let's sing a song mama!" She then belted out a song in Spanish. Huh? I had no idea. I asked her if she knew what it meant and she translated it pretty well.

When I think about it, of course I'm not surprised that the kids learn it so easily. That's the rule with languages, the younger you learn them, the better. But still, watching it happen, when I didn't really think to watch it, is pretty fun.

She came home again with more words in Spanish and threw them out there for us. Like any three year old, she lives for praise, so when we went on and on about it, she shined.

If I could have a moment...

2010-10-30T16:48:00.001-05:00

I'm interrupting our weekend of Halloween fun to brag a bit.

While leaving gymnastics today a mom pulled me aside and said, "Yours is the child we all wish we had."
"Huh"? I asked.
She explained, "Mallory can do anything and she's so good at every single thing she does in there."
I couldn't contain the giant smile and I said, "That's so nice. I'm incredibly proud of her myself."

some photos

2010-10-28T18:17:00.002-05:00

Mallory is getting a spider painted on her face at her school's fall festival.

Mallory hugging birthday girl Chloe. Chloe turned 7 and she's very cute with Mallory. Just before the hug Mallory sang happy birthday to Chloe and Chloe said, "Oh how cute, she can sing happy birthday!" If only Chloe rode around with us in the car...she'd hear happy birthday all the time.

At Chloe's party Mallory thought it would be fun to hang on this spin thing and fly around with Chloe. Again, Chloe was surprised that Mallory could hang on like a big girl. She's 3 now... she can do anything!!!
Oh, it was a costume party so Mallory's pants are the bottoms of her tiger costume... not just regular pants.

At the apple orchard. Please know that we came here in October. Notice everyone in shorts. It was very warm. Here's Connor holding Mallory's hand. We didn't set it up. They were just standing next to each other and Connor just took her hand. Oh, that sweet little boy.

Apple orchard. Just so hard to believe that we normally have to bundle up.

Swimming

2010-10-24T20:27:00.002-05:00

Mallory finished swim classes today. It was parent-tot class and probably a little below her level, but a good place to start. They spent some time getting kids used to water, something she was fine with already, but in the last few sessions they took her a little further by practicing forward and backwards strokes. She had a really good time at her lessons and really seemed to get that she had to listen to the instructions and then do what was asked.

We signed her up for the next level, where she goes in by herself. This level has 3 kids per class. We're so proud of her. Great job Mallory!

a letter to my auntie Jenny

2010-10-15T13:36:00.003-05:00

Dear Auntie-
I'm so glad you came over last night just to see me. I saw you through the window and pushed Wego out of the way so I could get to the door and let you in. I ran past my mama to get to you. I was that excited.

It was fun telling you about my day, when I saw fishy and sharks and dolphins and FISHY at the zoo. I know my mama mentioned that we haven't been to the zoo in awhile, but it feels like I just saw them, so I like to talk about them.

I liked showing you my haloween costume and I hope I didn't scare you with my sharp claws.

I can't wait to see you on halloween. It will be fun trick or treating at your house this year. I hope I get lots of candy.

Thanks for coming to see me.
I love you,
Mawwy

Parenthood

2010-10-14T07:06:00.003-05:00

Does anyone watch Parenthood? I really like that show and even though I don't know what night it's on, nor do I know the time, I'm aware of it so I can go back to On Demand and watch the episodes I've missed. It's really the only show I make time to see. And, it's nice to watch that way because I skip commercials and get thru it faster.

Anyway, the episode I saw last night involved a couple with a 5 year old daughter. They were in bed when she screamed about having a nightmare. They checked her and she asked if she could sleep in their bed. They agreed and, the rest is history... she wanted to be there every night. She slept in the middle, had her feet in the dad's face and took up more room than anyone would've thought possible of a small child.

They could've taken that storyline right from our house. Sometimes I got to bed earlier than Lee so I've let Mallory lay with me to read stories then we just fall asleep together. Sometimes Lee moves her when he comes back to bed, which works out well. Other times we all go to bed at the same time so all three of us fall asleep together, hence, she stays in bed all night. She kicks, moans, moves, slaps, whatever. That little 3 year old takes up most of the room. I'm often hanging off the bed without covers and Lee says he's in the same boat (although I have yet to see him in that state).

Anyway, a few nights ago she asked to come into bed with me and Lee said no. She was holding me, crying, begging and saying, "But I need you mama! Please!" Everyone knows I was being manipulated and it worked. I had tears in my eyes and said, "I can't say no. We don't get that much time together and I love falling asleep with her." Lee was no match for a sobbing toddler and an almost sobbing wife. He said fine and left.

The same thing happended on Parenthood. The wife said she's at work all day and cuddling with her kid is one of the few times she feels like a mom. The dad argued that he stays home with the kid and going to bed with his wife is the only time he feels like he's not a dad.

In the end the characters figured it out and were happy. We figured it out too and while Mallory isn't all that happy, she will get used to it again. I know she needs to stay in her room so I just make more time for cuddling before she heads there. Lee knows I'm a sucker so he tucks her in and stays in her room until he knows she's going to stay put.

There's the big lesson. Sometimes we make our mistakes but eventually we get to the place we need to be. We make things work, regardless of whether or not they're ideal.

Mallory's Birthday

2010-10-07T08:25:00.006-05:00

Mallory's third birthday. I can hardly believe it's been three years. She reminds me daily, but still, it doesn't fit right in my head. She's still a tiny baby.

Wednesday, September 29th, was her actual birthday. I stayed home and waited around for her to wake up. After I opened her door and sang happy birthday, she did just that. She smiled, hugged me and asked me to sing it again. By then daddy was awake and sang with us. I was supposed to drive to St. Cloud for a training but there was no way I was going to let the whole day pass without me giving my three year old her first hug. So, we sang, we rocked and I kissed her.

Then I left and at 8:45am, the actual moment of her birth, I was sitting in a training thinking about the night before her birth, her birthday and the blurry months that followed.

After work I sped home and picked her up. We met Aunt Jenny and Jamison for dinner at Panera. She loves soup, so I thought that was a good place. Daddy came during dinner so we all hung out. We went home for ice cream cake (she wasn't that into it) and some Jamie-Mallory play time. They fought over the present auntie got her, but that's fine, since they're kids. The evening resulted in a time out for Mallory, but, whatever. It's her party and she can cry in her time out spot if she wants to.

After they left we hugged more, read stories and fell asleep. Good day.

On Friday she had her 3 year check-up. I really love her pediatrician. He's great with her and really nerdy. He's the guy who dresses up in costumes at Halloween and even had business cards made with him in his costume. Every time I ask a question about some obscure thing I think about he runs out, grabs a book and shows me photos of whatever I asked about. He loves every small detail about being a doctor and gets into all kinda of fun discussions about kids' health.

Her check up was fine and he's happy with her. The only odd thing was this: He asked her what to do when she comes to a street. She stared at him and asked to see the cow on the ceiling fly (there is a flying cow). I asked, "Mallory, what do we do at the end of the driveway?" She seemed bored and said, "Look for cars." I sat proudly because even though she doesn't actually look for cars, she's memorized the right response. The doctor then went to a weird place. He said, "That's good, because if you don't look for cars and stop, then they'll hit you and you'll die. You'll be flattened. Then your mommy and daddy will miss you every day because you'll be gone."
I'm not kidding. This is what he said. My jaw was on the ground and still there when he turned to me. He said, "She seems like an impulsive kid who could run to the street." I said, "Well, yeah, she is... but, wow. A little reality for her birthday?" He smiled and moved on.

Saturday was her birthday party. We had gymnastics in the morning and on the way home... actually, while I was still sitting in the parking spot, a car hit us. I was M-A-D, but no one was hurt. She spent the rest of the ride home asking if we could play bumper cars again. I said, "Mallory, I'm really not in a place to laugh about this yet. I'm irritated and have a lot of things to get done so please stop talking about bumper cars." Mallory, "Can we do bumper cars again, pleeeeease?" By the time we got home things were fine and we finished getting ready.

Kids came over and played while adults sat around chatting. It was a small, but fun group. I wasn't stressed about getting everything perfect. We had our good friends over so I knew there was no pressure to be a perfect host. If someone needed something that wasn't out, they would just get help themselves. After presents the kids set out on the treasure hunt I made. They all seemed to have a good time running around finding things. The end treasures were their gifts bags. After everyone left we stayed outside with the fire and relaxed. Mallory seemed to have a great time.

Happy Third Birthday Mallory!

2010-09-29T19:53:00.002-05:00

Today is Mallory's third birthday. She went to school where we ordered cupcakes for her class. I picked her up then we played for a bit. We went to dinner at Panera and home for cake with Jenny and Jamison. A fun night, but she was tired from a big day.

pride

2010-09-26T18:11:00.002-05:00

Have you had one of those times when you were so proud of your kid? I'm often proud of Mallory and tell her, but on Saturday, I found myself watching her with a sense of awe.

We went to gymnastics for the first time. Parent and toddler tumbling. I expected it to be a crazy frenzy free for all. The more kids who wandered in the more concerned I got about the chaos. When things got started they split us into groups of 4 and sent us to different stations. We started on the bars. The teacher asked who wanted to show the group what to do and Mallory, "I do!" She got up and grabbed the bar, put her tummy on it and pushed herself up with her arms. She held herself there with straight arms. Perfect. She went to each of the other stations where she did equally well. It's not just that she was good at these activities, but she took on each challenge, listened to directions and seemed so excited about it all. She just really seemed to have a great time and did such a good job.

playing catch-up from last weekend

2010-09-24T12:06:00.002-05:00

We had our floors sanded and refinished at the house which means everything is shoved into one room. I don’t really know where anything is and wading thru the mess isn’t fun. Our computer is somewhere unknown so I haven’t been able to download photos. I was trying to hold off on this post until I had photos, but it’s taking awhile, so I think I should just post. Come to think of it, I don’t even know where the desk is right now. Lee moved it; I assume it’s in the garage…

Busy weekend. It started last Friday. Lee was starting a new job on Monday (9/20/10) so last Friday was his last one off. A big change for him, probably not noticeable for Mallory. Anyway, his last day off so I took it off as well. We took a long walk at the dog park with Lego. Then we dropped him off and went to our first apple orchard of the year. I really love those places. Wandering about the orchard, the wagon rides, the exploring that Mallory can do and the apples… all the apples. It’s all so fun. Afterwards we went home for naps. When she woke up Lee took her to aunties’ house for the night and we headed out to the Liz Logelin Foundation (LLF) Gala at Solera.

It was such a fun night for a great cause. We chatted with some friends and talked to lots of other people. It’s nice being at an event where everyone is there for the same reason; to give a little something to others. I work at a place where clients are generally motivated by their own selfishness and it makes you question whether or not there are good people out there. One night at the gala reminded me that yes; there really are people who are concerned about others. We bid on a few items and almost started a fight over one. Fortunately, my friend Darcie was willing to split it with us. Otherwise, it could’ve gotten ugly.

Afterwards we listened to music by Tim Mahoney. I used to see him play in another lifetime. One where I was 23 and able to stay out all night. He came up chatting after his set and asked if people wanted to take shots with him. All I could think about was getting into bed. Again, a lot of time has passed for me so we were off.

To date the LLF has given out 40 grants to families. They make it clear that the families can use the money in any way they want. They can pay bills, buy a camera, computer, washing machine, travel or set up a college fund. Anything they want. I see it as a way to give families a chance to NOT worry about something for a little while. The money gives them some options that they didn't have before they lost their loved one. I was 29 when my mom died. It was still too soon to be without a parent, but some of these kids never had a chance to get to know a parent. I'm humbled and grateful that I can contribute to and support this cause that helps families.

The next morning we were up bright and early moving furniture to get ready for the refinishing that was going to take place Monday. Then I picked up Mallory and we headed to the Marine on St. Croix Art Fair. My good friend had some items for sale and the person who sells her stuff asked her to come to be at the artist meet and greet for the day. We went in support and saw some amazing things. Fun afternoon.

We zoomed home to pick up Lee then we headed to the second day of festivities for the LLF which was the 5k race at Minnehaha Park. We helped with the set up then Cindy and I headed to the halfway point to make sure the runners and walkers stayed on course. We weren’t sure what to expect there but it was fun to cheer on the runners and walkers. A few were doing their first 5k like Missy and Liz. One friend, Beth, was doing her first after having just given birth. Again, it was so great to support the LLF as well as everyone else there. While I was being a course monitor, Lee and Mallory were eating dinner and playing at the playground. I don’t think she understood why we were there. She just knew she had the rare opportunity to play in a park for 5 hours. But, as I’ve mentioned here before, there will come a day when she will start to give back to the community as well. I think if we are good role models and volunteer where and when we can, she will grow up knowing this is just something you do.

Sunday, the day of rest, was a day of cleaning, moving and preparing for the week of chaos to come. Although Lee had moved almost everything the day before, we moved some more and I cleaned some areas that hadn’t seen a sponge in a few years. Ever realize how dirty it is behind your pictures? Gross. At the end of the day we went to swimming lessons and hung out.

Monday the workers started on our floors and we did out best to live out of the kitchen and our bedroom. We all stayed in our room; us in bed, Mallory on her mattress on the floor and Lego. Poor Lego got a bad cut on Sunday so I felt sorry for him and let him sleep on our bed. No one got any sleep that first night so we were a bit on edge all day. Lee started his new job, so that was probably the only thing that kept him awake.

By Wednesday the work was done and we could return to normal house use. We moved some stuff back but this week Lee is working from 11am to 7pm, which means by the time he gets home, greets us, eats dinner and is ready to move, it’s 8pm and time for Mallory to be in bed. I can’t really express how challenging it’s been for us to have so much chaos this week, but now that it’s over, it’s nice to take a breath. Thursday night Mallory finally slept in her own bedroom. That was our main goal.

So, here we are at the weekend again and the chaos is mostly off. We still don’t have our living room back in place, but that will be done today or tomorrow. Mallory starts gymnastics this weekend and I surprised Lee with Vikings tickets; an early birthday present. So, another busy weekend, but manageable.

update on potty training

2010-09-15T10:01:00.004-05:00

Mallory does really well with the potty during the day. She goes #1 and #2 in the potty without issue now. We still give "great job" comments after #1 and really go nuts for #2 still, mostly because she resisted a little at first.

Night time has been different. She delays bedtime by having to go potty over and over and over and over and over an.... it's endless. Sunday night I gave up after 3 hours and passed out. Lee dealt with it after that. Crazy. Monday we all took a long walk and I said, "If you go potty one time at bedtime, then stay in bed and stay dry all night, then you can get a sticker. Once you get 5 stickers you can get a prize. Anything you want (hello, dollar isle). She thought that was great. We talked it up during the whole evening. That night she went to bed, stayed in bed and woke up dry. Her first words when she came out of her room were, "I get a boat now!" Since I'm a complete sucker, I took her to the store that night and she bought some seahorse floaty things. On Tuesday night we did it again. Same rules, but a sticker. She seemed to forget that she got a toy right away last time. Oh well, her loss. Anyway, she woke up this morning, called me to say she gets a sticker. Yippee!

observation from a mom of an only child

2010-09-15T06:10:00.002-05:00

Last night we had our friends' 3 boys over. Connor and Logan are 4 year old twins and Trevor is their 2 1/2 year old younger brother. We spend a lot of time with them so when they arrived, they didn't need time to get used to things. They jumped right into the play. Dinner was ready so we started to wash hands and get kids to seats. While we ate I asked Connor and Logan about school. Both enthusiastically answered my questions at the same time. Observation 1: it was really easy to listen to and respond to both kids at once. Then we asked Mallory about her day. She was very focused on watching everyone else that she didn't pay much attention. Then Connor and Logan started to ask her questions and she eagerly responded to them. Observation 2: the only child seemed to be much more responsive to the other kids than us. While this was going on Trevor was noticing and informing us about all the sounds going on around us. A fire truck, along with what's on fire. The dog barking followed by Trevor saying, "Lego, stop!" At one point Trevor broke into song, "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you ate for breakfast." For those who don't know Dora, that's a song from a Dora movie in which the bridge sings the wrong words to songs and Dora and her friends have to sing the right words. Kids find this hilarious. So, Trevor sang it out and all 4 kids burst into hysterical laughter. At that point they all started to sing, laugh, crack jokes and laugh more. Observation 3: we didn't play much of a role in this. The kids entertained themselves and kept it going the whole time. I don't know that we've ever just sat back and watched it all unfold.

Don't get me wrong, Mallory loves to laugh and do these same things with us. But that's the difference, we're the ones she's playing off of and that wasn't the case last night. It was so much fun to see all these little kids enjoy themselves and laugh like crazy.

After dinner we all played outside. When Mallory has just one friend over she struggles with sharing. Observation 4: when all 3 boys were over she shared without incident. I doubt she picked it up that day, I think she just realized that all 4 of them had to share and that made it all different. While we were outside we pushed kids in the swing, threw the ball for Lego, played in the sandbox and played on the climbing structures. Trevor often played by himself or with us. He was very happy with the trucks. Connor and Logan played sometimes together and sometimes apart. If Mallory wasn't in the swing, she was playing with Connor. They spent much of their time climbing up and down the pirate ship toy. Mallory likes to pretend she's stuck on top by saying, "Save me, save me!" She did it last night as well. We knew it was a game but Connor didn't. Every time she climbed up and asked to be saved he showed her how to get down. After the 3rd time he asked, "Why does she keep climbing up if she gets stuck?" Why indeed, Connor.

It was a good night. They all seemed to have fun. Final observation: Mallory is a much better listener when there are other kids around. We didn't have to ask her to do anything twice. That's unusual at our house.

new room

2010-09-08T07:19:00.002-05:00

Our girl did great on her first day in the fish room! Lee picked her up so I ran to the car and grabbed her to ask about her day. I asked, "Did you have a great day?" She said, "YES!" She was grinning ear to ear and eager to show off her art. At dinner I asked her who she played with and she said, "Jenna." I asked if Jenna is a nice girl and she said, "Yeah, she's a nice girl. No, she's a nice boy. Haha, she's a nice GIRL!" She got a big kick out of that. She talked about a few other kids in school and said her teachers are nice, too. I'm so glad her day went well. I think it was a good decision to keep her out of school last week and prep her for the fish room.

First day new room

2010-09-07T08:16:00.003-05:00

Well, Mallory eventually fell back to sleep and was reluctant to wake up for school. On a very positive side, she went without diapers all night without any accidents. When she woke up at 2 something I brought her to the bathroom and she went then. She managed to hold it until 715 this morning. Big girl.

Today was the first day at the new Fish room. Miss Kay, the new teacher, greeted us at the door and despite the fact that she called her "Maddy" it was fine. I can't really expect her to have her name memorized prior to meeting us. I gave her some information about naps, bears and diapers but I forgot to tell her about waking up at 2am. I guess she'll figure it out when she passes out at naptime. So, we stood there and I said goodbye and asked, "Are you ready to be a fish?" She said, "Yes" so I left. I peeked back and she was sitting at the table with another kid reading.

Good drop off. I'm so glad I kept her home last week. I think it helped all of us.

Dear Mallory

2010-09-07T04:52:00.002-05:00

Dear Mallory,

It's 453am and I'm writing a letter to you. I'm less than pleased. While I'm normally awake at this time and getting ready to leave for work, today should be different. You see, today is my drop off day which means I should be able to sleep until 630am then get up and bring you to school. But, what time did I wake up this morning? Oh yeah, 215am. That's when you whimpered about something and decided it was time to party. I rubbed your back, rocked you, held you, sang to you and left you alone. Nothing worked. Finally I gave up and went to bed... only to realize that I, along with the cat and dog, am wide awake. The cat's making all kinds of noise, the dog needs to go out and here I sit. After an hour I sneezed and heard you yell, "Excuse you!" Nice. Not sure this will start your new teachers off with the best first impression, but oh well. It's what we have.

out of school fun

2010-09-03T07:22:00.004-05:00

After a lot of thought and worry, we decided to take Mallory out of school for the rest of the week. That said, she was always going to be out on Wednesday, she's always off on Fridays, so it was really a decision as to whether or not we'd keep her home Thursday. It seemed the right thing to do. Why make her go back one day just to have her get upset and me worry. It was the right decision because she didn't have to do the extra transition and we've been able to talk up the fish room for several days and have a few more to do it, too.

On Wednesday I took Mallory, Jamie and Lego to the dog park for awhile. Everyone had fun and all three ran around like crazy. Afterwards Jamie, Mallory and I went to Stillwater to check out Teddy Bear park. It was cute. Smaller than I thought, but it still had a lot of fun things for them to do.

I was so impressed with Mallory. There's a play set where the kids can walk up the stairs to get to a bridge and several slides. There's also a climbing wall that presents a big more of a challenge. Mallory first tried the stairs and I stood on the other end to see her come down. She ran back again and when I didn't see her come up I wandered back to see what the hold-up was. She was trying the climbing wall. It's not one of those with plastic pegs in stone. They were large stones placed just so that a kid can climb them. She started at the bottom and made her way up the side and when she got to the middle she reached up to hold the metal-mesh stuff on the side. Bigger kids could cruise up faster because of their longer legs. Mallory was careful and took her time. It didn't seem to bug her that kids were moving past her... she was doing her thing. And, Jamie waited behind her the whole time. He ran up and down himself with ease, but when she was there, he waited. What a great cousin. Each time she crawled to the top she stood for a second to look back and do her little, "I did it" dance while I clapped. After several trips she was able to climb up the middle like the other kids. She learns fast.

On Thursday Mallory and I spent the whole morning walking Lego. We went everywhere and had a good time. She took a nap then we went to the fair. I have to say we picked the perfect night. We waited in just one line, and that was only about 5 minutes (it was for the wild rice burger). The crowd wasn't out of control and we could actually see things we wanted to see. We rode the space needle and sky ride. Mallory and I went on it last year and it was fun to see how different this ride was for her this year. She pointed to things and said, "Oh look, a carousel, I wanna ride it!" or "Oh look, there's water over there, that's fun!" She seemed to appreciate the view and paid attention to what was out there.

We met Jamie and Jenny and hung out with them for awhile. We all went to one of the stages to see Martin Zellar. Jenny and Jamie decided to go see the animals and took Mallory with them. How nice to have a babysitter at the fair! We met up with them after about 30 minutes then walked around a little after they left. The fair becomes a different place at night. Teenagers. I love watching the change because people watching is so different at night than it is during the day. But, it was time to leave so we piled on the bus and headed home.

Mallory was such fun these last few days. I'm sad to have to return to work, but just one day until the weekend. She'll go back to school on Tuesday as a fish. I do the drop off that day, which will be good. I'm eager to meet the new teachers and see how she does.

school

2010-08-31T06:49:00.003-05:00

I came to work Monday still basking in the happiness of Mallory coming to work on Friday for lunch. It was a great time and still on Monday people are coming up saying how fun it was to see Mallory. What a great girl.

But, school wasn't as much fun for her. She's still transitioning to the next room in school and we just learned (although there have been rumors floating around) that she's doing a double jump to yet another room for next week. If I had to guess, I'd say there was some poor planning going on at the school. But, maybe not, since Mallory's teacher told me that this has happened before, the kids jumping one room quickly. I don't believe it's because she's so advanced, I think it's simply a numbers game. According to the director, they have a lot of kids Mallory's age in the program. In the fall they always shift the kids around since one group is heading off to kindegarten. In this situaiton, I think they had to do some extra work to get all the preschool kids (Mallory's group) into the right rooms and settled. So, that's the deal. She's transitioning into one room, which is a struggle, and will immediately move to another... more of a struggle? I don't know. I expect so, but we'll see. As an aside, the whole room is moving. Not just Mallory.

They name all their rooms. She started in April in the ladybug room. This week has been the transition into honeybees but her next stop is going to be fish. She's always said, "I don't want to be a honeybee. I want to stay a ladybug." On the way home yesterday she said, "I don't want to be a honeybee, I want to be a fish." Hmmm, well, honey, you're in luck....

Anyway, we continue to work on it and we're talking up the fish like crazy. Yesterday the teacher told me that the morning was hard for her but they let her have bears to hold, which helped. Then the other teacher said she held her for awhile and once she wanted to play, she got up on her own to play with other kids. After nap they saw a whole new person. She was excited, played and ran around the playground having a great time. I felt better, knowing that she was getting the extra attention she needed and it was nice to hear that her mood changed once she napped. While I was on the phone with the director she told me to have Lee check in with her in the morning and if Mallory was struggling, she'd help out too. Again, nice to hear. I know lots of kids have a hard time so it's nice when they take it seriously enough to put a little extra effort into making their day better.

I contemplated keeping her out of school for the rest of the week so she could just avoid the honeybee room all together and just have one move. But, as I mentioned, all the kids are moving and visiting the next room so she should rpobably go through that with them. I'm keeping her out tomorrow so we can have a play date with Jamie, so after that she'll just have one more day then she'll be off Friday through Monday.

Oh daycare... I'm glad she's there and I know this will pass, but I just want to move thru this week quickly.

Mallory to work

2010-08-27T15:02:00.003-05:00

Thursday was a not so great day for daycare but the evening was good. She was happy, playful and actively talking about her new room. But, since I was still feeling kinda bad so daddy brought Mallory downtown on Friday to meet me for lunch. It was so much fun. I introduced her to lots of people then we ate lunch. Mallory wandered freely around my office and walked into offices when she saw people. I was behind her so no one saw my when she entered. I heard a lot of, "oh hello, who are you?" She scoped out everyone's desks for candy when she found none, she made her way to another office. Funny.

It was such a nice afternoon. She was funny and liked looking around my office and it was fun for everyone to meet her or see her again.

What a great start to the weekend. Tonight daddy and I have a date while Mallory plays with our old neighbors and their two kids. Saturday we'll spend the day at the Doffing cabin and Sunday, who knows????

drop off

2010-08-26T08:28:00.002-05:00

I really dislike the drop off.

This morning Mallory started to struggle when it came time to get dressed. She wanted her "pretty shoes" without socks. I got her into her tennis shoes and socks. Within seconds she was pulling them off. We discussed the need for socks and she cried and cried. In the end we decided on socks with her pretty shoes. As soon as we got outside she fell and cut her knee. It was funny that she made more of a fuss over the shoes than she did her bleeding knee. We cleaned it up and got back into the car. As we drove I heard a sniffle then she held back tears and said, "I just wanna go back home. Please?" Oh, that killed me. Then she said she wants to go to the ladybug room with Lisa.

She's transitioning into the next room right now. it's not going well. She's having accidents throughout the day. She doesn't have them at home anymore. She cries, talks about staying in the ladybug room and seems to hate anything that has to do with her new honeybee room. Since she's only been going to school since April, this is her first transition. I know it's for the best. She's moving with the kids she talks about the most and once she actually gets there and through those first few minutes, she has a good time (so I'm told). She gets to play at the big playground, which she loves.

Change is hard for all of us. It just breaks my heart to know that my baby is suffering because of it. You just want kids to move through their young lives without any frustrations or anxiety that adults deal with.... Yes, I know we're preparing her for the world she's going to live in, but still, why can't I protect her a little longer?

This is going to be a long day.

Thanks Darcie and Crayola!

2010-08-18T20:05:00.003-05:00

The Crayola prize pack we won from my friend Darcie at Gust Gab arrived today. Mallory was so excited to open it. She has a serious look here, but honestly, she was beside herself.

I colored with her and found that I love this one (see pic above). It comes with a hard case so you can clip the color wonder paper into it and use the color wonder markers on it. But, when you color on the white paper patterns come out. See in the bed? It looks like little bones? And on the bear's shirt? You can see the white stripe when it's colored in but when it's all white, the pattern does not appear. I colored this one. I kept messing up because Mallory and I were grabbing it back and forth from each other. I really got a kick out of it. She didn't really get it, but after I explained it many times she said, "Take a picture of my foot."

Here (above) she's coloring on the lap pad that will eventually go in the car during out long rides to WI. It has a zipper pocket so it can hold the color wonder markers and paper. You can see in this picture that the markers look white but when they hit the paper they turn colors.

You can't hear her but she's saying, "Thank you Darcie" in this photo. We looked at it together and she said, "Oh look, you can see my Dora underwear!"

I really love these things! We haven't opened the finger paint or stamps yet. Daddy said he wants to do those projects with her on Friday when they're both home. I think he's hoping to inspire the artist in her, just like him.

Thank you again!!

guest post

2010-08-18T11:12:00.001-05:00

hey-
we're potty training. Come read about it here.

mom

2010-08-17T14:52:00.003-05:00

Monday was the 8th anniversary of my mom's death. It's hard to me to believe it's been 8 years, since it feels as fresh as yesterday. That's not entirely true. I remember the day very clearly, or at least portions of it. The grief I feel, however, is easier to keep in its place. To be clear, "its place" isn't something hidden. For me, it's a place where I need it to be in order to continue to be happy and move forward. I think grief is a process. I go back to that place from time to time to acknowledge it. To remember her, both the good and not so good, and the strength it takes to deal with the death of someone close.

I might be thinking about it more because two friends (one new friend and one old friend) who both recently lost their mothers to cancer. I've listened to them talk about the illness, the treatment process, the emotions they feel. I recognize it all because I had all of those same thoughts and feelings. I'd like to believe that since I've been through it that I have some magic words for them to help them feel better. I don't. I just know that I'm comfortable being in whatever place they are in and simply listening. Acknowledging how terrible and sad it all is.

All of these things brings back my memories in a very vivid way. I remember that last day. She was OK that whole week. She talked and laughed like usual. She waited for my sister to fly into town and once she saw my sister, she let go. She always told us that she didn't want to be in a coma or 100% dependent on anyone. When it was time to go she wanted to just go. She did that. On her last day I went over there and she talked a little. She was pointing to a picture on the wall. It was my graduation picture. She pointed and wanted to hold it. I asked, "Oh, are you looking at that picture of me?" She said, "No, it's me!" It made me laugh out loud. We all sat with her and then we all left the room and she died. I remember my first thought was, "Oh thank God. She's done suffering."

I'm crying as I write this. Again, that day is fresh. Other days are as well. I tend to only think of this day on the anniversary. I think it's important to acknowledge this day because it was significant. Not defining, but significant. There were other days in her 53 years that were much more important, but at this point, this is the day that I need to remember.

The diamond in my ring was one that my mom had in her wedding ring. Lee had it set in my ring but it means so much to me to have something important to her represented in the ring he gave me. I wouldn't have it any other way. Mallory likes to look at my ring. I tell her that the diamond was her grandma's and daddy created the ring around it. I tell her that one day a boy is going to tell her how much he loves her and he's going to give her a ring just like this. She now looks my ring and says, "My grandma gave me this. I got it from a boy because he loves me. My daddy loves me." The confusion of it all is so cute.

Every day I take a moment to give thanks for Mallory. She is such a gift to us. I wish my mom had been able to meet her. She knew I wanted kids, so hopefully she took some comfort in the fact that it was going to happen one day.

daycare

2010-08-12T09:02:00.003-05:00

Lee's work schedule has changed so twice a week I have to drop Mallory off at school. I say "have to" because I made Lee PROMISE that he would always drop off because it would be too hard for me. Sadly, I don't get to have that much control so I need to change with things as well. Anyway, I dropped her off today. It went fine, we just need to work on our routine a bit.

I woke up early and got ready. Lee said she usually wakes up on her own at about 7am so I thought I'd wait. When she didn't wake up and nudged her awake. She wasn't very agreeable, which is unusual. I sat her down to go potty and she said, "I don't want to gooooooo!" I said, "Well, you just did, so we're all done!" She couldn't help but smile a bit, but she still wanted to be crabby. I offered breakfast, cuddles, clothes, bears, etc. She whined "no" to everything and just kept her mad face on. I walked away and let her decide for herself. She ran down the hall, came back and yelled, "BOO!" With that, her mood was happy again. The rest of the morning she dawdled, I pushed and sweated. I finally got her to the car and she immediately took her shoes and socks off. I told her how much I did not look forward to standing in the sun and putting them back on so she should do it herself. She didn't so when we got to school I sweated more and got the shoes back on.

Once we got to school she said, "You can pick me up so I can put Bears in my locker." Then she ran to her room and gave Miss Lisa a giant hug. Another girl, Maggie? ran up and hugged Mallory. Then they stared at each other awkwardly. I left and peeked in from the side. She seemed happy and ready to play. So nice.

At work it was very strange coming in a whopping 3 hours late! I thought traffic was going to kill me. We didn't stop and go at all, there were just so many more cars on the road and every single person was on the phone and driving like a fool. People missed lights because they were distracted, missed turns because the sign confused them. I'm not saying that those of us who get to work before the sun comes up are better drivers and navigators of downtown roads... oh, wait, yes I am. I haven't complained about traveling to work in over 2 years. One day on the new schedule and I get all those crabby people coming into the office.

I think once we get our morning routine down we'll do much better getting out the door and on the road. I'm glad she made my first drop off easy. Thanks, Mallory

weekend recap

2010-08-09T09:39:00.003-05:00

On Saturday it rained a bit in the morning. I decided to take Mallory and Lego for a walk anyway. Sometimes the rain passes so it's worth it to venture out and see what happens. As we were walking I saw Lego sniff the ground then drop and roll. Damn. I walked over and sure enough, dead fish. Disgusting. I told him that he lost his off leash and walking privileges and we were going home. Mallory asked if Lego was naughty and I said, "Yes, we're going home and he's sitting a time out. Under the hose. With lots of shampoo." So, not a great start to the day.

After nap I suggested we hit the Taste of Maplewood event in lovely Maplewood. Martin Zellar was playing. Back in the day (when I was 18) my friends and I used to see Gear Daddies all the time. We loved it. We drank, danced, laughed and sang. Good times. Over the years I continued to see him from time to time and still loved the party that went along with it. In the winter Lee and I traveled to Rochester for the night to see him play. We drank, met lots of new friends and enjoyed the show. Lee liked some of his music and Mallory loves to dance, so we were set.

We arrived at about 3pm, right when he started. Mallory seemed to be in a funk so she just sat in her chair with a bottle of water and stared. Nothing more. Lee and I sang and drank our own water. After a few songs I looked around. Pretty diverse crowd. Some families, some folks in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s. Wow. Many people were drinking beer. We were there for the show and then we planned to go out to dinner, so I didn't think much about drinking. During a break we took Mallory on some rides to perk her up. It worked... or maybe it was the mini donuts... either way, she was happier. Back on stage Martin sang more. Mallory found a group of kids to dance with. They were pretty cute. At one point 4 kids were holding hands and dancing. Mallory stood on the outside of the group watching. My heart was in my throat and I said to myself, "Go in there. Grab someones hand and dance. GO!" I found I was on the edge of my seat. She looked sad but I waited to see what would happen. She walked up just as the group was disbanding. She looked at all of them, Lee grabbed my arm to keep me from running up to help, then a little girl came over and grabbed her hands to dance. Whew. I relaxed again. I know it's not a big deal, but still.

Anyway, back to me. As I mentioned before, back in the day, I loved to drink and see local bands. Loved it. My friends and I have many stories of staying out all night, drinking lots of beer and having fun. We were fun, daring and maybe a little obnoxious. But we had fun. But, I've gotten older and now I have a kid. I don't have that much time to devote to partying nor do I have the energy. During the show on Saturday I kept thinking, "This is the first time I've seen him while sober." Afterwards we went up to meet him. I've watched him for 20 years. I sing Mallory to sleep most nights with his song, Lullaby. She knows it now. I just have a lot of fond memories. I watched as lots of drunk people made their way to him to say hi and talk. I thought, "Man, did I always sound that silly, too?" (I asked a friend the next day and she assured me that I was probably worse). Anyway, we walked up and he asked how old Mallory was. We talked about kids for awhile. He has a 17 month old daughter and two teenage boys. He talked about how happy he is to raise a daughter now. I told him how excited I was when we found out she was a girl. He explained that his daughter wasn't talking yet and the doctors assured him that it was because she was learning both Spanish and English so it would take time before she became verbal. I thought, "Wow, this is what it's like to have a normal conversation with someone in a band." We had a nice time chatting.

As I mentioned, I called a friend the next day to recap the event. After she told me what I idiot I usually sounded like in my drunken conversations we talked about how much has changed over the years. I said, "I had a great time watching Mallory dance and sing. I'm glad we had our fun back then, but I wouldn't trade this life for anything."

phone call #2

2010-08-06T13:23:00.002-05:00

Me: "hello?"
nothing
Me: "Helloooo" ( I know from caller id that it's home).
Mallory: "Hi mama!"
Me: "Hi, what are you doing?"
Mal: "I'm just talkin' on the phone"
Me: "Did you eat lunch?"
Mal: "yeah"
Me: "Does daddy know that you're on the phone?"
Mal: "no"
background - "Mallory! Where are you? Are you...do you have the phone? is it on? Who did you call? Mallory, what are you doing?"
Mal: "Daddy, I called mama all by myself!"
background - "Mallory, are you really on the phone? Where is it? Can I have it? No, give it to me. Give it to me, Mallory, I want the phone. Is it really on? Who are you talking to?"

By now I'm laughing out loud

Mallory: "Mama, I called you all by myself!"
Me: "yes, I'm glad. I love you."

background - "thank you Mallory. Is this speaker on? How do you turn it off? Mallory, how did you turn the speaker on?"

I explained the speaker and made sure Lee knew that we reached a point where our child knows more about modern technology than him. Pretty soon she'll be fixing the computer for him.

It was fun chatting with you today Mallory. Enjoy your nap. I think daddy's going to need one too.

"I got..."

2010-08-06T08:36:00.002-05:00

This morning I got a phone call:

Mallory: "Hi mama! I got Nemo fruit snacks!"
Me: "You do, you're pretty lucky." (thinking, it's 830am daddy... )
Mallory: "I got Cheerios in my tummy and Nemo fruit snacks in my hand!"
Me: "Wow, do you like them?"
Mallory: "I got Cheerios in my tummy, Nemo fruit snacks in my hand and barrettes in my hair. I got bears, too!"
Me: "Wow!"
Mallory, "Mama, are you at work?"
Me: "Yes, I'm at work."
Mallory, "What are you doing at work?"
Me: "Working."
Mallory: "Oh. I got Cheerios in my tummy, Nemo fruits snacks in my hand and big barrettes in my hair!"
Then she hung up. I added the exclamation points because she screamed everything into the phone. Such energy.
I love that she makes me laugh in the morning.

sad local news

2010-08-05T07:19:00.003-05:00

I start every weekday morning reading the Strib, Pioneer Press online. Then I look at ABC News and MSNBC. It may seem like I spend a lot of time online looking around (don't we all?) but I'm always curious about news items. Since we have a slow computer, and really, I have very little time at home to mess around anyway, I rarely see the news on the weekend. I tend to catch up on Monday. I don't like watching the news (too many reasons to get into) so I don't see it unless it's some huge story that's impossible to get away from.

But, on Sunday night I was getting ready to head to bed but I wanted to download photos from the weekend first. I was sitting at the computer while Lee was flipping through stations. I heard, "Live, from Bruce Russell Park..." Lee flipped but I said, "No, go back" but by the time he did the bit was over. I looked at the paper and saw that a little boy was killed at a local park. A park I drive by often. The one right next to our new church. The one I've brought Mallory to several times.

Like anyone, I'm always drawn in by the news that happens so close to home. It doesn't happen that often. And, any time something happens to a little kid.... Anyway, this little boy and his friend were playing with a giant slingshot in the park. They launched a big rock which fell back and instantly killed the boy.

Last night we were scheduled to attend an orientation meeting at the church. I drove up and looked at the park and noticed it looked exactly the same. No one was playing there, but it was the same park. The meeting was in the evening and there was a miscommunication so no childcare was available. That meant Mallory got to stay with us during the meeting. It was almost bedtime so there was no way this was going to go well. She was entertained with coloring for about 20 seconds. She ran, she tried to get into rooms, she found a permanent marker, she found hand sanitizer, she jumped, she fell, she cried, she took off her shoes. This night was never going to end. Finally we got up to tour the building. She ran ahead with the pastor without looking back. They were long gone and we continued to apologize to everyone.

Anyway, fast forward to 815pm. Past her bedtime and she's all but lost it. I left with her. Just as we were about to walk out the door she took off again to run back and find daddy. I caught up and said, "Mallory, this is unacceptable. We're done. You're going to bed...." I continued to walk and lecture her about her behavior. I got outside and stopped. There was a candlelight vigil going on for the little boy. It was getting darker by the minute because evening was approaching, as was a storm. There were candles all over the park. Families standing around hugging. I stood there watching a minute then remembered the irritation I had been feeling about our last hour with Mallory. I hugged her and told her I loved her. I remembered that she's 2. I remembered that things can change in an instant and how important it is to enjoy our moments and each other.

After we hugged she asked why there were candles at the park. I told her a version of the story that she would understand and we got into the car. It's sad that I sometimes need such serious incidents like this to remind me to be more patient. Mallory is a busy, curious and happy kid. I look back at the night and remember the list of things she got into. Why don't I think about when she walked up to the pastor to offer him water and to tell him she liked the color of his shirt? How about when the man sitting next to me said he hurt his back cleaning the garage earlier and Mallory touched his back and offered to kiss it for him? How about when she left the room for a minute and came running back saying, "Do you hear that music? It's beautiful!"

My heart goes out to the Geyen family. I can't imagine their world now. I'm so grateful for my little kid. Good, not so great, and everything else, she's the most important thing in our life.

My Favorite Thing

2010-08-05T06:08:00.002-05:00

Dear Mallory,
Right now, my favorite thing about you is that you come up with funny names for the games you like to play. Often we don't know that you've titled them until you explain the game.

Over the weekend you ran up to me and said, "Let's play Amazing." I said "OK" and assumed it was a run around game since we were outside. You told me to sit back down, you took my hands, climbed on my thighs (yes, it hurt, but it was funny in the end) then you stood up and flipped over backwards (while still holding my hands). When you landed you looked up and said, "That's Amazing!"

Happy Birthday Lego!

2010-08-02T06:15:00.004-05:00

Today is Lego's second birthday!! Oh, I just realized it's his golden birthday! We were out of town over the weekend and when we got into the car to come home he fell asleep. He woke up long enough to get out of the car, walk to the house and he crashed again. He again woke up a few hours later to chow some food and then he passed out once more. We talked about bringing him to the dog park tonight for a b-day run but I don't know that he'll be up for it. Over the weekend we went to a family reunion so he was off-leash the entire weeeknd and ran around with the other dogs.

Last night Mallory wanted to look at pictures of him so we checked out the ones of him as a puppy. He was 6 months old when we got him, so he wasn't a tiny puppy, but he certainly wasn't as tall as he is now.

Lego is such a wonderful part of our family. He's mellow with us at home and goes all out during play time. He loves everyone and puts up with all the abuse he gets from a two year old. Acutally, it probably confuses him... there are times when she wants to cover him with her blanket and give him kisses and two minutes later she's pushing him off the couch so she can jump on his spot. She lays on him, runs with him and gives him treats as often as she can. Mallory's job is to feed Lego. That means putting his food in his bowl and dropping food on the floor for him. I think he's forever devoted to her for that reason. It's fun having such a great dog in our family.

Happy second birthday Lego!

weekend reunion

2010-08-02T06:01:00.006-05:00

mallory and her cousin Allie on the big water slide

Jamison

Mal making a big splash on the smaller slide

Did I mention karaoke?

Bella, this little white dog, harassed Lego for much of the weekend. She thought she was tough, Lego thought it was fun.

We had a family reunion this weekend. My mom's side of the family. It was such a fun time. I'm still exhausted, but with a smile.

It took place at a State Park in New Ulm. We arrived in town and had to make a few stops. As we were getting supplies I mentioned to Lee, "I don't really remember how to get to the campsite..." Just then we walked into the liquor store and (not at all surprisingly) we ran into family stocking up. Of course. So, we had people to follow back. We got there and immediately saw two water slides. One was the perfect size for Mallory (about 6 feet high). The second was crazy. Adults could go down it. Anyway, great fun for our water obsessed child, right? Um, no. She wouldn't go down in. I was so surprised to find her backing away from the thing. But, she put her suit on and played all around them anyway. After a bit I was inside while Lee was watching her. Of course that's when she decided to go down the giant one! Lee said she just went up and slid down. I asked, "One of the older kids didn't go with her?" Nope. That's was it though. From that point on she stayed on the smaller one. She loved it. Sometimes she just sat at the top while the other kids when up and down, but there was a period of time when she was going down herself. The thing she loved about the bigger one was that it was like a jumper. There was a side section that she could jump on and she loved that.

Anyway, it was a good time. Lots of people we only get to see once a year. We laughed, drank, ate and played. Everyone seemed to have a really good time and relaxed. I think the best part about these reunions is that there is no agenda and people can just have fun, be casual and hang out. During the day some people ventured into town to shop or play golf. We stayed at the campsite so Mallory could play and take a nap. There are bunkhouses at this site so we had a nice place for her to get away from the noise and crash.

Some of Mallory's high points include getting a plastic cup filled with cereal every 15 minutes. She learned very fast that if she snuck into the lodge, unnoticed by us, that she could look pathetic, ask for cereal and receive it along with, "Oh, sweetie, what kind of cereal do you want?" She did that often. She also liked to play into the puddles made by the water slides. She had freedom to wander and explore without us saying "no" every minute. She had access to her favorite thing: sunblock! There were bottles of it everywhere and she went for it every time. That, we stopped. She's obsessed with it. Every time another mom pulled it out for her kid Mallory got in line, too. Given her love of all things sunblock, it seems impossible that she got a burn, but she did.

We left Sunday and we all crashed when we got home. No, first I turned on the a/c at home, then we crashed.

swim class

2010-07-27T06:34:00.002-05:00

Last night we brought Mallory to Foss Swim School (good guesses Andrea and Darcie!) for a swim level assessment. On the way we talked about her getting in the pool with a teacher and doing some swimming. We walked in and handed her off. She grabbed me for a second then saw the choice between holding onto me and going into the water with a perfect stranger and chose the stranger. She sat on a platform for a bit choosing some toys. After a minute she was in the water doing various activities. She wasn't interested in blowing bubbles in the water but she did most everything else. We couldn't hear anything but it was fun to watch. The teacher got Mallory on her back and they floated around a bit. At first Mallory fought it and kicked her legs and held her head up. After a bit she relaxed and went along with it. It was fun to watch. When the assessment was over we pulled her out of the pool and she melted down. "Noooo, I wanna swim all by myself!" We left and explained why we only went for a minute but she wasn't having it. When we got to the car she was sobbing but by the time we got home she was happy again.

They placed her in baby 4. Since she doesn't turn 3 until the end of September they didn't want her in the Littles group. So, we'll sign up for class this fall. It should be fun!

Swim lessons

2010-07-23T06:13:00.002-05:00

My sister moved into a townhouse that has a pool. A warm, wonderful pool. Very nice. At first I thought it wasn't a huge deal. Mallory has been in pools a few times and it was never a big deal for her. Then, last winter, we went on two trips and stayed in hotels with pools. She wanted nothing to do with them. She whimpered and asked to get out. Not great. We know she loves water, but maybe pools aren't her thing right now?

Forward to this summer and Jenny's pool... she's loving it. But, like everything else, this kid has no fear of the water. She started out just having us carry her around. She'd play a little, but still she was safe with us. Then Lee brought her one day and he said she had a great time. He said, "She jumped into my arms a bunch of times." I said, "What do you mean, from the steps?" His reply, "No, from the side of the pool." I wanted to see it for myself so we returned 2 days later. Sure enough, she wanted out of the pool, stood by the side and jumped. Soon it became, "Go back, go back!" She hoped I would stand further away to give her a chance to jump further. What me moving back would've resulted in would just be her jumping the same distance but having no one there to catch her. She insisted I move. I insisted I stay, so there was a lot of screaming on her part (yes, I stood the sane ground). She wanted to swim alone, play alone, do everything alone. She didn't want us to hold her up at all. Catch her, yes, but from far away. She had a life jacket so I held onto the back of it in order for her to believe she was doing it alone.

I came to work the next day thinking about swim classes. She needs to learn how to swim, but she also needs to have a healthy fear of the water. When I was her age apparently I almost drowned in ankle deep water. As the story goes, I was playing with my older cousin at our grandma's cabin. I turned to get more water and never came back. My cousin turned around and saw me floating. She grabbed me, smacked me on the back, water shot out of my mouth then I opened my eyes. She said I bent back down to collect more sand and water for my sandcastle. She said she wasn't concerned about my near death experience - she was just scared that our granny witnessed it and was going to call us in. Since she didn't hear anyone scream from the cabin she assumed it went unnoticed and started to play again, too. Guess they weren't big on parental supervision back then. As an aside, I was with this same cousin when I fell through the ice on a lake 16 years later. She saved me then, too. Needless to say, I enjoy the water, but also know it can be dangerous.

But, I digress... my point is swim lessons. I found a place that teaches water safety and swimming. I guess one of the first lessons is getting out of a pool and staying safe and not panicking when/if something happens. My coworker said they also have the kids go into water fully clothed so they know what that feels like. I doubt the 2-year-olds do that, but we'll see. Three of my coworkers go to this place and all really love it. They each said that they had their kids in community ed classes then went to this place and they don't compare. It's much more expensive though...

Since it's the end of July and in Minnesota, we only have about another month of swimming, I'm inclined to wait until next May for the lessons. Thoughts?

little things

2010-07-21T06:16:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted about the little things Mallory does so I'm back to it.

Last night after bath I put Mallory on her changing table with her towel. She said, "I wanna be the mama and you be the Mallory." I said, "OK" then I said in a baby voice, "NO! Don't wash my hair! NO NO NO NO NO!" She laughed and said, "It's OK baby-cakes. You're my little baby-cakes. I love my little baby-cakes. It's OK, it's just water! Let me hold you baby-cakes."

It was so perfect. After that she wanted to switch jammies with me. After seeing that hers would barely fit over my head she said, "OK, I want mine back."

birthday present ideas already

2010-07-16T08:13:00.002-05:00

Last night Mallory and I met the Doffing clan at their t-ball game. The 2 older Doffing boys played T-ball while Mallory and Trevor played in the park while Cindy (aka god-mommy) and I chatted. I love play dates. Mallory running around like crazy either with another kid, following another kid or having another kid follow her. They're always fun. And having a chance to catch up with friends is great (even if the conversations are interrupted with, "Please climb down, that's too high." or, "Wow, yes, we see you, you're a giant!" Regardless of the side conversations, it's always fun.

The last time we were at this park I showed Mallory how to cross those posts that have a chain linking them to the top bar and ground. They move around so you have to coordinate hands and feet in order to cross. Anyway, I showed her how to do it last time and this time she did it all on her own and wouldn't let me help. I'm proud of her!

At the end of the evening we went to the ball fields to watch Connor and Logan play t-ball. It was pretty hilarious to see these little kids run around either ignoring the ball, avoiding it or running towards it. Afterwards Mallory picked up a leftover glove and put it on her hand then went looking for a ball. Trevor got one too and the two of them walked around holding these gloves. Back in the car she said, "Mama, I want to play T- ball." I said, "OK, we'll sign you up next year." She said, "NO, I want to play T-ball now." Not happening, but I'll add "Tball set" to my mental list of birthday present ideas.

Instincts

2010-07-14T07:40:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I sat at work all day thinking, "I really miss Mallory. I really need to be with her today." I struggled with this throughout the the day and kept putting the thoughts out of my head because I was at work and she was at school - where we were both supposed to be, right? I always miss her when I'm not with her, but yesterday's feeling was different.

I picked her up after nap and she ran into my arms and clung to me. Not just, "Hi, let's go play!" It was her just holding onto me with her arms and legs wrapped around me. I looked at the teacher who said, "She had a hard day today. She cried out for you most of the day. I don't know what was going on, she just seemed really sad." Tears filled my eyes right away. She said, "She was better after nap, but not great in the morning. I held her for most of the morning. We cuddled and she seemed better, but she wanted you." The teacher wasn't trying to make me feel guilty, she just wanted me to know that it was an odd day. Maybe because we were out of town over the weekend? Maybe because she was tired? Maybe because.... who knows.

We hugged for a long time. When we got home she seemed better. She took her clothes off and ran around in her pool, which always brings a smile to her face. We played the rest of the night then went to bed. I hope today is better... for both of us.

weekend update

2010-07-13T06:14:00.002-05:00

Last weekend we went out of town to Wisconsin. We left Friday and headed straight to Lee's parents' house. It was a looooong drive. Mallory didn't really take a nap (she snoozed for about 20 minutes) and we were all a little restless so we decided to pull off in a little town and get out. Lee wanted to find a park and since I'm the resident park guru I gave him directions as to where a park would logically be in this town. Low and behold, I led us right to one. As it turned out, it was this AMAZING park. Had I not been so impressed I probably would've thought to grab the camera. It looked like a giant castle when you first walked up. It had everything you could ever want in a park and more. Mallory's favorite thing was to cross the monkey bars then hang "all by myself" and drop. That, I got a picture of. There were short monkey bars, medium and high bars and obviously she did this trick from the short ones. She tried it from the medium but mama got a little too nervous with that height. Anyway, she ran, jumped, balanced, hung, swung and had us play the grumpy old troll under every bridge. After awhile I wanted to see why everyone walked over to a grassy area by the trees. We walked and it was an opening to a stream. This clear, shallow, cute stream that lead to a bit of a rapids section. Mallory loved it and threw rocks into the stream for about 20 minutes. It was great.

We finally piled into the car for the last leg and arrived in time for dinner with grandma, grandpa, auntie Brenda and cousin Charlie. Mallory and Charlie are just three months apart in age and had she been less tired and punchy, they probably would've had a great time. Charlie seemed so excited to see her but she was in a mood so the fun only lasted a little while. She and I crashed early and slept hard. In the morning she played, we chatted and hit the road. We had lunch with Aunt Amy, Uncle Scott, and cousins Rachel and Dani. Mallory loves hanging out with them so they had a little free time to run around just before we left.

Finally we were ready to head to the reason for the trip, Dorf fest. Our friends have a big party every year and we have such a great time. There are always a lot of people, many kids running about and a ton of fun. What I like most about it is that we see these folks once a year and it's always fun to see how big the kids are, who's having another (there are always a few preggos in the group) and what people are up to. No drama ever. People just visiting and having fun. There was a big jumper for the kids, which was probably Mallory's favorite. Lots of food, drinks, games and relaxing. I pulled Mallory to a room to have her sleep awhile. I was surprised she went down but she needed it. The party went well into the night then we went to bed. Up the next morning and back home. Another long drive, but as always, going home seems faster than getting there. No nap for the girl...which meant no nap for mama, either. I think I did something wrong though because Lee ended up snoozing for over an hour. I don't know how that worked out but I want in on it next time.

Aunt Jenny took Lego to her cabin so Mallory and I picked him up. She was SO happy to see Jamie. She talks about that kid all the time. She pretends to chat with him on the phone, which is pretty funny. She'll usually tell him what she's doing and then, when she runs out of things to say she'll go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah" with different tones and inflections, which is probably what it sounds like when I talk on the phone.

We got home, ate and then she went right to bed. So nice to not fight about it. Too bad it took 3 days of sleep deprivation to get her to that point.

Back to the week.

ear infection

2010-07-06T10:21:00.003-05:00

We had a crazy and busy weekend. Mallory watched fireworks for the first time and liked them. She went Ooooh and aaah appropriately, which was fun to see. Afterwards we went home and she fell asleep right way. No fighting at bedtime, that was nice. Rare event. Too bad we can't keep her up until 11pm every night.

After nap yesterday she said, "Lego bit my ear." Of course he didn't but we figured she might have an ear infection. Since it took us about a month to figure it out last time, we were quicker this time. I brought her to the doctor today and yes, she does have an infection. Apparently she just had fluid on the eardrum last time. This time it's really an infection. He said it's really swollen and we left with a prescription.

I took her back to school and when we walked in she went right to her classroom's window. Several kids came to the window and they all started to giggle and wave. We walked in and a little girl RAN up to Mallory and hugged her. They hit so hard I thought Mallory was going down. They hugged then another little girl came up then a little boy joined the big group hug. They all stood there for a second hugging and laughing then the first girl pushed Mallory thru the group and further into the room. The whole time she was yelling, "Mallory's here! Mallory's here!" Man, that was so sweet to watch! I met the little girl she talks about all of the time, Megan, and learned that the boy, Joseph, was out. It's fun to listen to her talk about these kids like this.

Pool time

2010-07-02T06:08:00.005-05:00

Last night on the way home from school Mallory announced, "Mama, I'm a naked girl!" I said, "Yes, you are honey-lamb." She said, "I'm a naked girl honey-lamb" and cracked up. Every night this week I've picked her up, gone for a walk with Lego then we've come home to have dinner and when she asked to be excused she gets naked. She loves running around the yard without clothes on. She goes back and forth to her little pool, then runs across the deck, finds a toy, runs back and usually finds a place in the grass to pee.

I think every one of us has found a reason to love this new deck. She loves to run back and forth across the length of it (20 feet). I think she likes the sound of running on the boards and she knows she has a straight shot without obstacles. She stands in her pool, splashes a bit, asks to add more water to it (because she loves the hose) or she just runs around screaming and laughing. We had a week or two where all we did was work on the deck and I think that was hard for her. She wanted to play and we were focused. Now we're all able to enjoy it together.

Tonight I'm going to get pictures posted.

Baptism

2010-06-28T06:19:00.003-05:00

Mallory was baptized over the weekend. It was a wonderful ceremony. I was just in awe of that girl.

We've talked about attending church for many years. I went to church a handful of times when I was a kid. It was only when my grandma brought us (me and my sister) or when I stayed at my aunt and uncle's farm and went with them. I was never invested in the church or the message. I was simply there because someone brought me. Lee grew up attending church every weekend. It wasn't always his choice, but because of the person he is, he made the best of it. Now that we're adults, we make our own decisions about it. We believe it's best to introduce Mallory to it so she can make an informed decision when she gets older.

So, church is a new experience for our family, hence, Mallory didn't get baptized until she was 2 1/2 years old.

Anyway, back to the weekend. On Saturday night I told her about the ceremony as I was putting her to bed. I told her why it was important to me, her daddy and maybe to her one day. Then I told her that we were having a party afterwards and everyone would be there to celebrate her. "It's my birthday?" No, it's not, but it will feel like it. With that she smiled and hugged me. Sweet.

On Sunday we woke up and got ready. She was excited to wear her beautiful dress and new shoes (they were actually white and may have stayed that way until they came off). We arrived at church where she immediately saw aunties with Jamie. We took some pictures, she hugged Jamie... no, she kinda grabbed onto his arm and wouldn't let go. We went inside where we met up with my uncle Mike, my aunt Mary, Cindy and Brian, Cindy's parents Dan and Mary and Lee's parents. Mallory's God parents are aunties Jenny and Nancy and our friends, Cindy and Brian.

The ceremony went well. Mallory asked to touch the water after the Pastor did so he let her splash her hands around in it a bit. She loves water so I didn't know if that would satisfy her or not, but it seemed to. He made the sign of the cross on her forehead so she did as well. It was very sweet and we heard an "awwwww" from the other church members. Afterwards he brought her to the front of the church and introduced her and everyone clapped. I don't know what she made of it because she just stared at everyone. I almost said, "Smile baby" but no one likes a stage mom. We sat down then the Pastor asked Jamie (Mal's cousin and favorite person in the world) to stay and hold the candle. He chatted with Jamie a bit and when Mallory saw the candle she ran back up to help blow it out. It happened fast so I don't know if anyone got a picture of it, but it was such a great moment. I'm glad Jamie got to participate too.

When we got home we set out food, drinks and toys. We had a great time and Mallory played like crazy with her friends. We worked to get the yard/deck ready and it worked out so well. There were a few things that didn't get done, but in the end, it didn't matter. It was fun to show off our new deck and Mallory's baptism was the perfect reason. The weather was perfect and everyone seemed to have a good time. It wasn't a huge crowd, just close friends and family, which made it a perfect gathering.

Like I said in the beginning, I'm just so proud of Mallory. She's such a friendly and happy kid who just goes along with the program with a good attitude. I downloaded some pictures but haven't been able to transfer them because I haven't had an hour to sit with the computer and wait.

A big thank you to her sponsors, Jenny, Nancy, Brian and Cindy. Jenny and Nancy are her aunts so it's perfect that they will also serve this role in her life. They have such a big influence on her. Brian and Cindy are great friends and we love spending time with them and their family. Having them as God parents ties us together in another way, which means the world to us. We're very blessed and lucky to be surrounded by wonderful people.

updates

2010-06-18T07:11:00.002-05:00

We've been crazy working on our yard. We had a deck installed and now it's the clean-up and landscaping work. We started by excavating where the deck will be. We dug down 18 inches the entire size of the deck... 20x20 and then a 8x10 section next to it. A lot of work. Then the deck went in. It took the guys about 4 days to complete it and they did an amazing job. Afterwards we started on the clean-up. We had to till up 2 large sections that will now be gardens. One section was full of weeds and the other section had raspberry bushes. Lots of them. We also had piles of dirt all over the yard. both from the excavation and from the work that was being done. We had to flatten that and plant new grass seed. Right now we have everything ready to plant. I bought a lot of shrubs and a few flowers and one tree. The landscaping edging is in and ready for the plants. What else? The mulch. Lots of mulch. The final pieces will be building a screen for the air conditioner unit (which sits in the middle of the garden) and one that will be installed to the 8x10 deck section for the grill. We also have some canvas fabric that we're going to install on one section of the deck to give us some privacy. All to be done in a week so it can be ready for mallory's baptism party.

SO, that's why I haven't written anything lately. We've been busy and Mallory has been knee deep in antics, but mommy hasn't written anything down because I collapse into bed every night.

Throughout all of this work Mallory has wanted to join in. The only issue is that she likes to be exactly where mommy is. On my feet, literally. Lego does too. When we were excavating I couldn't move the shovel without clearing them away first. Every time. It was clear almost immediately that it wasn't going to go smoothly. Since it was hot and sticky during out excavation times, we just took lots of breaks and took turns entertaining and redirecting the troops. Aunt Jenny took Mallory a few times so we could get a few hours of uninterrupted work done. It helped and we worked hard. I cannot wait until we have these next few steps done and we can sit and enjoy our yard again. Every new step looks great but it's still a work in progress.

Yesterday Mallory and I took Lego to the vet. Something happened to his eye. The exam took awhile because the doctor had to numb the eye, clean it and then look around for anything that may be irritating it. Mallory was amazed by this whole exam. We were in charge of lights on and off throughout the exam. When they were out it was completely black in the room. The only light came from the doctor's tools and Mallory entertained us. "Look mama, a light. She's lookin' in Wego's eyes. Oh, he has brown eyes. I can't see your eyes mama. What color are your eyes? What color are her (the doctor's) eyes? Can I see? Turn the lights on so I can see? I HAVE TO SEE! Oh Wego, are you scared?" Then lights on. "OH, lights! Wego looks sad. Wego, you OK? He's black. This is my sea horsey. What's your name? I'm Mawwey. I have a beautiful dress on. You have a beautiful dress too (it was the doctor coat she was wearing). I need a snack."
You can tell how it went. I love that she's not shy. I had to say, "OK, I need to talk Lego's doctor now so you have to be quiet for a minute" more than once, but again, she's fun so it's worth it.

I can't wait to post some pictures. Have I mentioned how slow our computer is? So once I have 30 minutes to mess around with pictures, I'll be able to get them up.

3 Things

2010-06-14T10:00:00.005-05:00

Rule of 3

I was tagged by Amy from One Sassy Family to complete this game. I love these games, so I'm more than excited to do it!

3 names I go by

mama
Laura
Laurie

3 jobs I've had

Probation Officer
Victim Liaison (hardest to spell correctly but you look so smart when you do)
teaching/research assistant

3 places I've lived

Minnesota.my.whole.life.
different cities (New Brighton, Minneapolis, St. Paul)
Wow, I guess Twin.Cities.my.whole.life. sounds so boring

3 favorite drinks

water
beer
tea (hot tea, iced tea and Jeremiah Weed tea flavored vodka)

3 shows I watch

Housewives... I love them all
Glee
Criminal Minds

3 places I've been

Germany (Munich to Berlin)
Mexico (yes, everyone goes, but I stayed for a month)
California (most recently to San Diego)

3 places I'd like to visit

Italy
Alaska
Spain

3 favorite dishes

Lee's chicken stir fry
homemade pizza
anything with popovers

3 things I'm looking forward to

Mallory's baptism (finally)
the deck/yard being done
a potty trained child

3 people I'm tagging

Darcie @ gustgab.com
Beth @ antisupermom.com
Christie @ mommydrinksbecauseyoucry.com

updates

2010-05-27T05:55:00.002-05:00

Mallory's been trying on new names for us: mom and dad. Her go to names are still mama and daddy, but every so often she pulls mom or dad out. Yesterday I got the mail and there was a box. She said, "Oh a present!" I asked, "What do you think is in there?" She replied, "I don't know but I'm going to give it to my dad." Oh, OK. I called her from the living room and said, "Mallory, come here please." She said, "OK mom, I'll be there in a minute. OK mom?" Um, Mallory, are you still 2?????

We went to a park yesterday and while she was on the swing there were 2 teenagers hanging out together. They made an obstacle course in the park and were timing each other. It involved walking the wrong way up the slide, climbing down a ladder, crossing these pole things and climbing around one of those rope things that looks like a spider web. They were both quite awkward doing it but it was very funny to watch. When they sat back down Mallory decided to try some of it herself. She went to the pole things. I only had my cell phone so I took some pics but I don't know how to put them onto the computer, so I'll just explain them. They are 6 poles that are attached to the top bar and ground by a short chain. This chain allows them to move a bit. The poles all have a small platform near the bottom so you hold the pole and stand on the platform to cross them all. Mallory stood on the first one and when she realized they move she said, "I need help." I held out my hand and she reached for it then said, "No, I'll do it myself." She thought for a minute then asked for help again, then turned it down again. I told her I'd hold my hand there and she could use it if she needed it. She held it as she crossed to the first one. I explained how to cross; that you reach out for the second bar with your hand, then put your foot down, then get it with your other hand and finally bring your other foot over last. She did this with help the first time. When she reached the end she did her little "I did it!" dance then jumped down to start over. The second time she reached for my hand once or twice, but really took it on herself. The third time she didn't even look at me. I couldn't believe it. This wasn't that easy a task and she kept going until she did it on her own. She went thru the rest of the teens' course with a little help. I thought it was so funny that she followed them on this. When she finished they clapped for her. She introduced them to her dog, Wego, and we left.

She continues to really like school. She talks about her teachers, Miss Lisa, Miss Megan and Miss Ashley, often. She'll say, "I played with Miss Lisa and the kids today!" She likes the routine of daddy dropping her off and mommy picking her up. Each day she says to me, "Daddy dropped me off at school and you picked me up!"

Child Hunger Ends Here campaign

2010-05-21T06:37:00.002-05:00

Molly, over at the Snyder 5 - has been organizing this incredible event that will raise money and food for the Child Hunger Ends Here campaign. The event is a huge rummage sale that will take place this weekend. Over 30 families are bringing their things together to sell and all of the money goes to this program. All of it. What a great idea.

My job, the place I spend so much of my time, often leaves me sad. I see some horrible things.... things I don't like to talk about or think about when I'm not here. Often I leave here and walk down the street and stare at strangers thinking the worst. People are capable of doing such shocking and terrible things... but events like this remind me that people, more often than not, are also capable of some incredibly positive things.

It helps remind me that there are more people out there who are willing to help others because it's the right thing. We look outside of our own worlds and remember that we can make a positive impact on others by simply doing good things.

Come out to the sale. Pick up some goods... at very low prices. Just make a donation, anything helps. Check out Molly's blog to read even more about it.

Mother's day

2010-05-09T17:32:00.003-05:00

Mallory and her friend Bella at the zoo. Love the huge tiger.

Daddy helping Mallory see her favorite--fishy!

Mallory just being cute.

How cute is this? I love this phase of "Take a picture?" "Can I see? Can I see?"

But this, this is the picture that made my jaw drop. She asked for a picture then just posed. My girl isn't a baby anymore. I keep saying, "Oh, my little baby." She replies, "I'm not a baby, I'm Mawy." Well, here's the proof.

Today is mother's day. I woke up to Mallory whimpering in her room so I grabbed her and brought her to bed with me. Lee was up making breakfast so we had the bed to ourselves. She was crabby so I just let her be. Lee made a noise in the kitchen and she perked up and said, "Daddy's makin us dinner!" I said he was and in a minute he brought in "panny cakies." She and I ate in bed. I actually thought, "She's going to spill all over the sheets and it will drive me nuts" then I ignored that thought and ate with my girl. She laughed and LOVED this new treat of being able to lay down while you chew. "Look mama, I'm layin' down!"

Afterwards we went to church and the pastor talked about mother's day then brought the kids up to give them a special message about moms. I thought it was sweet but couldn't help but think about my own mom. I wish she were here with us. My favorite thing in the world is being a mom and it would've been wonderful to enjoy this with my own mom.

We came home, planted a tree in our yard and then they all went on a walk while I read. Quiet time. I love my family but to be in complete silence is lovely. They came home, we had a funny and chatty lunch in which Mallory ate almost everything in sight (including our plates of food) and then she crashed. Now we're heading to dinner and then maybe some play time in the park.

Last night we saw Jenny and gave her a mother's day gift. Not so much because she's a mom (of course that's important) but because her kindness allowed us to be a family. I talk to Mallory from time to time about how she became a part of our family but she doesn't get it yet. Soon she will and I think that will make special days like this even more amazing. To know how hard we all worked to get her into our lives....

Happy mother's day to all moms... with kids, adults, expecting or hoping to expect...it's a good day for all of us. And, to moms who aren't here anymore. You're missed.

Mother of the Year Award

2010-05-06T10:25:00.003-05:00

Could someone please hand me the Mother of the Year Award?

Yesterday I brought Mallory to school. It was the mother's day event so I got a gift and juice. Nice. It was also her picture day so I put her in a dress and did her hair. I hadn't dropped her off before so I sorta stood around checking everyone out. Mallory was tired so I was holding her in the room. I was trying to peel Mallory off of me when I complained about the fact that she doesn't sleep anymore. I said, "She won't sleep. We fight to get her to sleep, we fight to keep her asleep and we fight when she wakes up at the crack of dawn. We're going crazy." I complained a little longer about the sleep and a teacher said, "Is she sick?" I said, "She has a cold, but otherwise, no... well, sometimes she says her ear hurts because she fell on it, but we ignore that because she doesn't fall on her ear 3 times a day." The teacher stared at me. Then she asked, "Do you think she has an ear infection?" I said, "No. Why would I?" Then I summed up her issues to prove why I didn't think she had an ear infection. I said, "She has a cold, she doesn't sleep, she complains about her ear and she had a temp one night, but not since then...." I drifted off because the dumbbell landed squarely on my head. No wonder they were looking at me like a crazy person. Mallory has an ear infection!!

I left school and called the doctor's office to make an appointment.
The schedule person asked, "And why does Mallory want to come in?"
Me: "I think she has an ear infection."
Schedule person: "How long has she had symptoms?"
Me: (whispering) "Two, maybe three weeks."
Schedule person: "What was that?"
Me: "Um, a bit. Maybe two or three weeks."
Schedule person: "What exactly are her symptoms." (I know she was calling a child protection worker at the same time).
Me: "Cold, runny nose, cough, slight fever one day and she complains about a sore ear."
Schedule person: "That certainly sounds like an ear infection. Has she been to see someone in the past few weeks?"
Me: (defensive and guilty) "No. BUT, it sounds worse when I say it all at once. I didn't put it all together. I don't think she's really suffering. I don't normally ignore her, but I just haven't slept and..."
Schedule person: "I know. She's fine. See you in an hour."
Me: "Thanks" and then I thought, you're not going to see me, you're going to see daddy. There's no way I'm showing up to explain in person that I ignored her symptoms for a month.

She has an ear infection and has antibiotics. She's fine. I asked Lee about 100 times, "Did the doctor seem surprised that she wasn't in earlier?" "Did he imply that we were bad parents?"
No, our doctor is nice and understands that we're first time parents and Mallory has never had a (diagnosed) ear infection. At least I brought her in the same day when she dislocated her elbow. In our defense, she didn't complain about that at all. I just noticed something was off.

Anyway, my friend was previously in possession of the Mother of the Year Award for dropping her daughter off at school without shoes.... but now it's all mine.

scary incident

2010-04-29T06:25:00.004-05:00

I picked Mallory up from school yesterday and we went right to a park to play and walk Lego. Really, the goal was to walk Lego, but since we pass a park, Mallory plays there first. This park is across the street from a lake. People go to the lake now to boat and things like that, but it's not that busy because it's still spring in MN and no one swims yet. Anyway, when we arrived the parking lot was empty. I parked on the far end because we only had an hour and I knew after playing and walking for an hour I would want to get Mallory in the car right away to head out. We've had this adventure many times, so I knew the drill.

We got out of the car, walked across the lot, and up the hill, past a locked bathroom building to the playground. I let Lego off the leash and watched Mallory play. After about 20 minutes I told Mallory it was time to head to the trails to walk Lego. Usually she says, "OK, let me hold the leash all by myself" and we take off. Yesterday she refused. We "talked" about it for a few about 5 more minutes then I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I walked around the playground towards the parking lot and saw that there was a car parked right next to mine. There's no reason a car would need to be right next to mine since the lot (about 70 spots) was empty. I saw a woman standing next to the new car, one man was walking across the parking lot towards a big dumpster and 2 men were heading up the hill towards the building that had the locked bathrooms. One was carrying a McDonald's bag. They both went opposite ways around the building and met back at the front. I watched this all and thought, "Something is wrong. They're checking this place for more people." I put Lego on the leash and grabbed Mallory. I intended to get to my car and call the police. Mallory, however, had other ideas.

Mallory screamed. I mean, screamed at me. She kicked, slapped threw herself out of my arms and ran. Ran back to the park. I turned back to the guys who were just standing there and said, "Hi, how are you today?" Then I waved to the woman standing by the car. They hadn't done anything yet, and I knew I had to at least talk to them and make eye contact. Let them know I was paying attention to them. Then I called my friend who is a cop. He answered and I said, "Hi Sargent, (I never call him that, it was for the benefit of the folks watching us). This is Laura. I told him where I was and said, "I'm here with Mallory and Lego and there's something strange going on." He picked up on it and asked, "What town is that? Is it a sheriff or police department?" (some suburbs have police departments others don't so they are policed by the County Sheriff) as I answered the four people drove away. Whew.

I called Tom because nothing had actually happened and I had no real descriptions for the sheriff. I couldn't see the license and the car was too far away for me to give a make and model. The first two guys I could describe, but I know enough to know that information was not helpful. Nothing would happen even if the 911 operator would have sent someone out (and yes, my car was broken into before and I called the same county sheriff with a description of the car and they wouldn't send someone out). Anyway, I called Tom because I needed to do something to let the people know that I knew something was wrong without giving them a reason to follow through with their plan and take off right away.

Tom is a very good friend and never misses and opportunity to make fun of me or tease me. Had I been crazy he would've taken full advantage, but that was not the case. He was glad I called and after we talked about it for awhile, we agreed that they were there to break into or steal my car. There was nothing in my car besides a diaper bag. I left it open so the diaper, wipes and sippy cup were visible (I do that on purpose so if someone is curious, they'll see that there's nothing worthwhile to take). When I got back to my car the two side mirrors were both turned in. I don't know why they did that, but it was them, as I had to reason to turn both in.

So, in the end, it was good that Mallory refused to listen. Had she, we would've been long gone when those guys arrived. They would've had ample time to do whatever it was they wanted to do and I would've returned to find either a broken window or missing car.

I was a little nervous after it all happened. Then I was mad. I hate the entitlement of offenders and that someone thought it was OK to mess with my family. Perhaps because of what I do, but I'm always aware of who's around me and what they're doing. I always know how to describe where I am, even if I don't know the exact street names. If I leave things in my car (like the diaper bag) I leave them open so they aren't tempting. I don't try to hide valuables in my car because it never works out. People know where to look and do it quickly.

Bottom line... never bring your wallet, purse or valuables to a park. If you have to bring something make it just your wallet and keep it on your person. Always have your cell phone on your person. ALWAYS trust your instincts. There were so many red flags flying up during this whole thing that it was almost as if they were holding a sign saying, "We're up to no good." They were trying to be subtle, but they weren't pulling it off. The woman standing by the car was obviously waiting for signals. The guy walking to the garbage bin was also looking for people on the far side of the path. The guys near me were pretending to either find a trash or go to the bathroom, but again, had they actually wanted to throw the bag away they would've thrown it in the giant garbage can and not walked up to a building that had no garbage can near it. Plus, men don't often trek to the bathroom together. Finally, if that was their goal, they would've parked next to the structure, not far away, like me. This whole exchange lasted about 2 minutes. I'm just glad I paid attention. If Tom hadn't answered I probably would've called 911, but honestly, I'd rather be on the phone to Tom if something went down than a 911 operator.

As an aside, the 2 guys walking near us weren't paying much attention to Mallory. Had they been watching her this might have all looked very different. They were paying attention to me and seeing what I was doing. I think it helped that I saw them right away. I talked to the 2 guys near me and kept watching the other two. Really, criminals are chickens and not being afraid is more of a threat to them than anything. The biggest problem was that I couldn't get Mallory fast enough to get to my car. She's strong and she was very unwilling to leave. Yes, I'm stronger and would've forced her, but it would've been awkward to carry a fighting toddler, a dog and get to the car quickly. I knew it was better to just stay put. I also think Lego helped. Yes, he's a sweet playful dog who wouldn't hurt anyone, but they didn't know that and, I don't really know what he would do if I were actually threatened. I think it also helped that he caught a scent of something and was sorta pulling on his leash. Gave the impression that I couldn't control him. Plus, he's black and huge, always intimidating canine qualities.

After all of that Mallory went to Jamie's house to play. We saw Date Night. LOVED IT! It lifted my mood and we laughed out loud the whole time. It was a silly movie, exactly what you'd expect. Plus, I L.O.V.E. Mark Wahlberg and his shirtless character made the movie.

gross

2010-04-26T06:01:00.002-05:00

Dear Mallory,

I love you, but you do some of the most disgusting things. I won't go through the long list of things that have grossed me out over the last few years, mostly because I'm still traumatized by your most recent actions. While we were walking in the park you picked up a dead bunny and brought it to me. I didn't completely freak out. I was more concerned about the possible diseases you might have transferred to yourself. By the end of our cleaning process you were repeating, "no dead bunnies mama." I don't know if I just kept saying that over and over and you were repeating it... probably. I think I blacked out for a period of time.

Perhaps I should look at this from a positive side. Maybe your curiosity about every. single. gross thing in this world means you'll be a doctor (vet or human).

If that is the case, great, but please, please save your interest in all things gross until you're with daddy and mommy is nowhere near you.

Thanks

Love,
mom

favorite part of the day

2010-04-21T05:59:00.003-05:00

For a few months Lee and I have asked this question at dinner, "What was your favorite part of the day?" Mallory has always ignored the question because she didn't really get it. She'd talk about some of her day, but that was about it. Over the weekend we were at a friend's house and I was next to the 4 kids eating lunch. I asked, "What's your favorite thing your eating?" The 2 four year olds answered, "Cheetos!" and Mallory answered the same thing. The youngest ignored me, and then eventually yelled out, "Cheetos!" as well. It was fun.

Last night we were eating dinner and Mallory asked, "Mama, what was your favorite part of today?" It was in 2 year old language, but that was the gist of it. This was all on her own. We hadn't asked yet. I told her what mine was. She asked Lee and he answered. Then we asked her and she said, "Playing with Miss Lisa!" Miss Lisa is her teacher at school. I was so happy to hear that. To think that she enjoys her time with Lisa so much makes me happy. Right after that Mallory wanted to sing happy birthday to Miss Lisa.... ah, Miss Lisa, you've arrived. If Mallory wants to dedicate 20 verses of happy birthday to you, she must like you.

Today is my first conference with Lisa so I'm interested in what she has to say.

I thought it would be fun to add a little of Mallory language here, too.

Mallory = Mawwy
Lego = Wego
Milk = Milko
Juice = Juicy (actually, it's usually her yelling, "Juicy mama, I want juicy!")
Q (our cat) = Kitty
Ashmore = Amore
banana = bawanna (I don't really know how to spell this because she really pronounces it in such an odd way, it's hard to understand).
Hold hands = holda hand?
I would like to go to the zoo = I wanna see animals!
Loch Ness = Wego's Park

She also has some favorite expressions:
her greeting continues to be: "Nice to meet you home"
When she wants you to sing with her, "Come on guys, sing it wit me!"
"I do it all by myself!" Or a painfully loud scream followed by, "NO! I do it all by myself!"
"Can I try some?"
"No, I drink YOURS!" She says this every single time I pour a glass of water. It makes me wonder if there will ever come a time when I have a drink all to myself.

Mallory is sick

2010-04-16T08:28:00.003-05:00

baby is sick. Lee checked on her this morning and found she threw up. He said he gave her juice then she threw up again, but this time, on him (hee hee). Mallory doesn't get sick often. This is just the 3rd time she's thrown up so I can't help but feel woefully unprepared for it. I found myself looking online for suggestions, but knowing that there's not much to do but keep her comfortable and not offer food or drinks for awhile. Now that I've just sat here thinking about it for a few minutes I called Lee with a list of dos and don'ts based on my experience with... our dog. Haha. Our previous dog, Billy, was my love. My first baby. I had a dog before him, Mandy, but she was strong, independent and never sick. Billy, my gushy golden, was my special needs baby. He was sick frequently and had a serious case of epilepsy. We were at the vet on a fairly regular basis. We also started going to a neurologist at the U. I loved Billy very much and there was nothing I wouldn't do for him, which is why I dropped everything when he wasn't feel well. So, I dealt with a lot issues, like vomiting, when he was with us. So, all I have to do is think about what we did with him... no food or for much of the day. When the vomiting stops for about an hour we can slowly introduce small amounts of water and bland foods. Increase it throughout the day as it's tolerated. Watch for signs of dehydration. Oh Billy, I love you so much. You were such a wonderful part of our family and I'm glad I learned so much about being a mom from... you.

more school

2010-04-14T08:32:00.002-05:00

Last night Mallory showed me an art project. It was an empty toilet paper roll with stickers on it and a few marker drawings. She said, "I made this!" (It was from last week and had been sitting in my car). I said, "You did? I love it!" She said, "I made it in art class." Wow, that's so cool that she remembered that it was during the art portion of her day. I said, "Do you like art class?" She said she did. She added, "I like art and I like to play with the kids."

School seems to be going well for her. I watched her thru the window yesterday while she ate her snack. She drank all of her juice from a cup. She started to eat her fruit that was also in a cup then she poured it from one cup into the other. She loves this activity and did that for awhile until I walked in. I sat with her while she finished it and all the other kids told me that either their mommy's or daddy's were coming later to pick them up. It's funny how all the kids learn so quickly who the new people are. When we left the room she said, "Let's get bear and big bear from my locker." Locker? it's only been 4 days and she remembers to stop at her locker. On the way out the door we ran into Nicollette who was with her class going out to the big playground. She said, "Hi Mallory." Mallory said hi back. The teacher introduced herself and said she's seen Mallory around. I told her we were friends with the Krugers, which is why we were chatting with Nickles. Later that night we were all in the car and Mallory said, "Daddy, I said hi to Nicollette today."

I'm just so impressed with her. She's taken to school really well and seems to be happy going every day. I love the time after pick up when we take walks and she runs around screaming and playing. She likes to walk Lego on his leash and run thru grass or fields with him. He's even patient whenever we stop at parks to let her play and have fun. Thank goodness the nice weather is here.

bedtime

2010-04-13T10:21:00.002-05:00

Mallory is doing something very tricky right now. Bedtime. There was a time when we read books, finished milk, and said goodnight. That was the end of it. Now she wants more and more books, longer hugs, cuddling, songs, back rubs, hand holding... you name it, she asks for it. It's hard because she's at an age where she knows what to ask for and she knows mommy is a sucker. Plus, when I say enough she cries and says, "Mama, I wanna hold you!" Ugh. She won't be this age forever and she doesn't cuddle a lot during playtime, so how do I say "no"? I'm struggling. I know it's best for her to soothe herself and get to bed. It's not every night, but it's often enough that I think it is almost a pattern. I've always been pleased with the fact that she's an easy sleeper, but things are changing. We're both trying to deal with it but oh my. That kid. She's a smart one.

weekend update

2010-04-12T11:51:00.003-05:00

I heard, "Be prepared for her to get sick all the time now that she's in school." Sure enough, she has a cold. Came on Thursday night. It's just a cold, but she had her usual overnight of little sleep that are associated with her colds.

Lee and Mallory hung out together Friday and played like crazy. On Friday night they went to see Aunt Amy, Uncle Scott and cousins Rachel and Dani at their hotel. They were in town for the weekend. On Friday they swam in the pool and had dinner. On Saturday we played then went back to the hotel to swim and play again. We also met up with Lee's cousins so we all had dinner and enjoyed a bonfire at Jim and Jeanne's house. Mallory, Rachel and Dani played like crazy into the night. Mallory crashed when we got home. Saturday night she woke up several times and needed daddy to sing to her. Well, she didn't care who went in, but daddy did. Once he returned to bed and said she had rolled under her bed and got stuck. I woke up with her at 6am in hopes of daddy get a few more hours of sleep. We went to Wyatt's bday party then Mallory fell asleep on the way home. We got home, transferred her into bed without incident. After about 2 hours of sleep she woke up screaming. I ran into her room and she was whimpering. I brought her to our room and she fell asleep within about 2 minutes. I decided to sit with her because she felt really warm and I wanted to make sure she stayed asleep. she slept for about 1.5 more hours. Poor girl. Once she got up she refused dinner but played outside. She seemed warm, but her temperature never got above 99 degrees. She went to school without incident this morning, so hopefully her body did what it needed to overnight.

school...day 3

2010-04-08T11:04:00.001-05:00

no tears. She went right for Miss Lisa and plopped in her lap to read. Mallory is the best lap finder this side of the Mississippi.

a few things

2010-04-07T09:12:00.002-05:00

I thought I'd mention something that Mallory has done lately, and I don't think I've written about it yet. Mallory talks and sings all the time. She LOVES to sing happy birthday to anyone and everyone. If she wants to sing alone she sings the "happy birthday to you" about 20 times before picking a name and finishing. If she wants someone to sing with her she starts the song, "Happy birthday, sing it wit me guys, to you" At the end of the song she'll pick the next person or thing to be the subject of the song. I think Lego gets happy birthday sung to him the most. He seems indifferent to it all. Anyway, she loves it.

Another thing is she greets us by saying, "Nice to meet you home." I think it's a combination of "nice to meet you" and "I'm glad you're home" We both use those expressions, so she decided to combine them. She also likes to say, "We're home, we're home" whenever we get close to home. It's fun that she recognizes her neighborhood.

pictures

2010-04-06T19:15:00.002-05:00

Mallory before her first day of school

in the car. It looks like it's early

Outside of school

Going into the room

After school. Her shirt is wet because we just finished cleaning up after dinner.
She's posing with some of her art.

First Day of School

2010-04-06T08:03:00.002-05:00

Today is Mallory's first day of school. We've been talking to her about it. We've been talking about her teacher and what her days will be like. We've been doing everything to prepare her. Last night she went to bed and... never fell asleep. She was up all night, therefore, we were up all night. What happened? I have no idea. She wasn't sick, she just wanted to play. We held her, rocked her, sang, read books, left her alone... everything. It was an insane night. At 430am I just brought her into bed with Lee so I could get ready for work. When I was about to leave she was chatting to herself so I suggested to Lee that he turn on a movie and lay on the couch. At least he could get in an hour of sleep. He said he got on the couch, she crawled on top of him and fell asleep. Of course. He said he had to wake her up so she could eat breakfast and get dressed.

Anyway, they arrived and she cried. He told her she'd be OK, gave her kisses and hugs then left. He said he peeked around the corner and she had stopped crying and was watching some other kids. She's got her pillow, blanklet (that's how she says it), big bear, bear and all the other supplies she needs while there.

I just called and left a message asking how she was and said something about her lack of sleep last night. I just got a call back and Mallory is sitting in Miss Ashley's lap playing with building blocks. I assured them that I'd make it a short day if things weren't going well and she said they've had to shorten kids' days when transitions weren't going well and said she'd call back around lunch time to tell me how things were.

Rough stars to the day for all of us. Stay strong, Mal.

school

2010-04-05T11:57:00.002-05:00

More changes. Now, it appears, Mallory will be going to school 4 days per week. She'll go Mondays through Thursdays and have Fridays off. These changes come as a result of Lee's work changes. It's not fun to not know what our schedule is going to be from day to day, but we'll make it work.

Tomorrow is her first day. I think she'll like it. I think she'll have fun. It will be good for her. She'll learn a lot and have fun. But, that doesn't mean I don't have concerns about it too. I hope the teachers like her and are good to her. I hope the other kids want to play with her. I hope she doesn't cry. She's such a strong kid so it breaks my heart when she does. I just want this to be a positive experience for her. I know there's no guarantees in the world and that she'll encounter people who don't like her, or are mean, or ignore her, but I just don't want her to experience that right now. She's just two. I know she'll benefit from hanging out with other kids and teachers, but she loves being with mama and daddy now and I'm sad to think that she's going to spend less time with us.

Lee will drop her off tomorrow morning and go to work. I'll sit anxiously at my desk all day and think about what she's doing. I keep thinking that I'll have to tie myself to my desk to keep me here all day and not flying down the road to daycare to get her 5 minutes after Lee drops her off.

some updates

2010-04-01T07:28:00.002-05:00

So much has been going on lately.

First of all, Mallory starts school next week. Lee plans to return to work full-time, but given the schedule of someone in retail, the hours... suck. But, we'll do what we need to until his work situation changes. As of now, Mallory will be home on Mondays and Fridays. She'll go to school Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I'll still have early hours so I can get her right after nap, which is important to both of us. The bummer of the schedule is that Lee will work late on Mondays and then until 730pm Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. He'll have Fridays off and he'll work every other weekend.

Our original goal in sending her to daycare and having him work full time was for him to get daytime hours so we could actually spend some time together as a family. Two and a half years of split schedules has taken it's toll on us. We hoped for that to change, but it won't. Not for awhile, anyway. So, Mallory and I will be alone 4 days a week and then every other weekend. I'm sad about the schedule, but Lee's done all he can to change it.

But, it's not like Mallory and I don't have fun together. We've been doing this for over two years and we've been fine. We find lots of things to keep us busy and now that it's summer, we'll find even more. In the past Lee worked both Saturdays and Sundays and now it will be every other one. That means we'll have more weekend time, which is nice. One thing we've done thus far is making the most of the time we do get together so that won't change.

So, back to other things. Lee and I went out of town last weekend for our 6th anniversary. It was nice and relaxing. We hung out at the lodge, we took long walks and enjoyed lake superior. I've been reading this series of books that take place up North. The last one I read involved a ship wreck in Superior so the characters spent a lot time in and around the lake. The author has done such an amazing job describing the lake that I found myself staring at it in different ways during this trip.

The weather is great so we're playing outside every day. Mallory loves everything on the playgrounds and goes nuts when she gets there. She's back in our backyard swing and if we let her, she'd probably sleep in it. We've watched the Doffing boys a few times and she's spent time with them so she likes to talk about them. Yesterday I said, "Do you want to swing?" She said, "Yeah, my turn first then Trevor's turn." Trevor wasn't there, but it was sweet that she remembered that they take turns. Probably the most exciting thing for her is to find all the little plastic toys that were buried in her sandbox. All day yesterday, "Look mama, a fishy!" "Look mama, a lion!" "Look mama, a camel!" Those little plastic toys have brought her endless joy.

school update

2010-03-24T05:53:00.003-05:00

Her first day alone. I would've loved to be there, but I know I would've had problems. Being the picker-uper is my thing. Lee said he brought her in and she went right to the reading circle. He left. According to the teachers, they blew bubbles outside then came back a little before 11am and started to set up for lunch. It was then that Mallory asked, "uh oh, where da daddy go?" Then she started to cry. Lee arrived and said she was crying, but the teachers told him she only cried for a minute. I don't know whether they were holding her or just letting her cry. I didn't ask, maybe I didn't want to know. Her first official day is April 6th.

I got home and she was asleep for nap. When she woke up we talked about Bear for awhile then I said, "Did you go to school today?" She said, "Yeah, I did, mama!" I asked if she liked it and she said yes. I know I could ask her if she liked reading the declaration of independence and she would say, "yeah"...

Last night we went to our community ed class where she got to be a froggy. She loved it. Afterwards we met Jill, Griffin, Melissa, Chloe and Nicolette at the park. We had a picnic and the kids played. They all seemed to have a fun time and I ended up dragging Mallory out when it was time to go.

After bath I read for awhile and put Mallory to bed. I was exhausted so I headed to bed myself. As I was falling asleep I heard her sing, "Happy birthday to mama and daddy, happy birthday to you."

school

2010-03-23T12:00:00.002-05:00

My girl is growing up. After much thought, we've decided to send Mallory to school (daycare) 3 days per week. So, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays will be school days for the girl. Now is the right time. She's a sponge with her learning and being able to watch her world view just expand is going to be fun. She seems to get what we're talking about when we tell her about school and she's been fine with her drop in times and the tour we did. I think she loves the newness of it and some of her excitement might go away after a few weeks. But, until then, she's going forward and happy.

We recently went to the zoo and wandered about looking at all the animals. We all love it there. We visited my aunt, uncle and cousins, too. Mallory had fun playing with her cousin Ellegra. They were cute together. I was glad to learn that Mallory isn't the only kid who screams at the top of her lungs for no reason at all. It was hard to leave, but hopefully they'll come here to visit soon.

Other than that, lots of play dates, hanging out, enjoying the weather and long walks have taken up our time. She's been a great, funny kid. We laugh out loud at some of her antics.

laugh out loud

2010-03-12T06:48:00.002-06:00

Lee is really good at doing the sesame street character voices. I can only do the Count, which means I do that laugh "Ah, ah, ah" after counting. Last night Mallory and I were looking at an open the flap book and counting things. She counted 3 monsters in the car, 6 cupcakes in the oven, 9 birds in the cage, you get the picture. One page was a scene from the Counts castle and she opened the flap and I asked, "How many bats?" She said, "One, two, three ah, ah, ah" Just like the Count! It was so funny!! She certainly did it on her own, I hadn't done it at all during that book.

She has been into singing a lot lately, too. She hears a song a few times and sings along catching a few words here and there. She's good at getting the beat and inflections of the words right, which is what she loves about it. Last night when she was in bed she sang "happy birthday" over and over putting different names in.

Wednesday night

2010-03-11T06:20:00.002-06:00

Mallory woke up after nap asking to wear her "pretty dress." She is in love with anything NOT pants right now. So, long PJ tops, skirts and dresses. She has opinions about her clothes that she's never had before. After dinner we were going to meet the Czachors at the library so I asked her what she wanted to wear. She picked out Zoe socks that Cindy gave her, purple sweat pants, a yellow dress and white sweater and her brown sandals. She looked really cute (I couldn't find the camera). When we got to the library the sweater came off so she could show off her dress. The library has a kid area she she played there with the Czachor girls and other kids. One little boy, Thomas, was about Mallory's age and followed her all around. At one point she was playing with a toy and he brought her a basket full of plastic food. He kept asking, "Do you want this?" but she ignored him. I finally said, "Mallory, that little boy is talking to you" so she turned, grabbed the fish out of his basket, said thanks and returned to her toy. He looked so let down. He wandered off and his dad tried to ask Mallory if she wanted the toys. She looked at him and said, "No thank you." So polite. In the end she went back to play with the little boy then they left. It was pretty adorable.

I'm amazed at our conversations and her responses to things. While I was cleaning up I found Mallory in the bathroom and asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Just messin' around." She took some tongs from the kitchen and I asked where they were. She said, "I don't know mama. I think I lost them." I said, "Do you think you could go find them?" She replied, "I can try. But I don't know where they are. Come on and help me, mama." How do you say no to that?

She was still awake in bed when Lee got home so he sang some songs. She said, "I wanna be a baby" so she cuddled up in his arms as if she were a tiny baby. It was sweet. I left them to do their thing and got into bed. He came in a minute later and said, "She asked if she could get into bed to sleep."